Ashes to Ashes, series two, episode two.
Writer: Matthew Graham
Director: Catherine Morshead

xxxx

A blurred figure comes into focus. It's ALEX. She's in the police station corridor; standing in the middle of which, facing away from us, is a girl in school uniform.

ALEX:
Do I know you?

The girl turns round, but her hair obscures her face. She turns and runs away out of sight.

ALEX:
Molly?

The lights in the corridor go out as a bright light and voices and the bleep of a monitor come from the Interview Room next to ALEX.

MEDIC 1:
Female, bullet wound to the head...

MEDIC 2:
That's ten litres of...

ALEX goes to enter the Interview Room, but the door slams in her face.

MEDIC 2:
...got to stem the blood.

The monitor bleep changes to a continuous 'flatline' tone.

MEDIC 1:
Oh God.

ALEX thumps on the door and rattles the handle.

ALEX:
No! Let me in!

MEDIC 2:
Alex!

MEDIC 1:
Come on, Alex.

The sounds from the room stop and the lights return to normal. SHAZ approaches.

SHAZ:
Ma'am?

ALEX:
Shaz, key to this door.

SHAZ calmly turns the handle and it opens. ALEX rushes inside, but it's empty.

ALEX:
Well did you hear them? Talking?

SHAZ:
Not really, no.

ALEX:
It was me. They're talking about me. How could I forget that?

SHAZ:
My mum says I've got a head like a sieve.

ALEX:
And I've got a head with a bullet in it. What if I start forgetting where I'm from and then I forget that I've forgotten, Shaz? I.. I can't forget.

SHAZ:
Ma'am, the Guv's been calling for you. Loudly.

ALEX leaves and exits the station, only to look up as she hears helicopter sounds, distorted radio/tannoy and feels a down draught again. There are two men working on a squad car in the yard.

MECHANIC channelling MEDIC:
Pupils are fixed and fully dilated. Getting nothing from her. No, that's it. Let's administer the phenylisopropylamine. Get the line in...

MECHANIC:
...then we'll go and get a bacon sarnie, yeah? Bloody ravenous.

ALEX:
Just... just don't give up on me, please don't. Keep fighting for me.

MECHANIC:
Fighting for you? S'more like fighting over you, darling.

GENE arrives in the Quattro.

GENE:
Bolly! Operation Burning Ring. Tip off. Tasty as Jane Fonda in a bap. Get in, Bolls. Get in!

ALEX drags herself away from the MECHANIC's undisguised appreciation and gets into the Quattro, which screeches off.

MUSIC: 'Back of Love' by Echo and the Bunnymen.



Quattro, Austin Princess, car chase. Enough said.

VIV over the radio:
Guv, the driver of the Princess is confirmed as Jed Wicklow.

ALEX:
For God's sake, slow down.

# I'm on the chopping block #

CHRIS:
Take it easy on the corner, Guv.

# Chopping off my stopping thought #

GENE:
Don't ever tell me how to drive. This motor is more a part of me than my own ball sack!

# Self doubt and selfism
# Were the cheapest things I ever bought
# When you say it's love
# D'you mean the back of love
# When you say it's love
# D'you mean the back of love?
# We're taking advantage of
# Breaking the back of love #

The Quattro draws level with the Princess and ALEX looks across at the driver.

ALEX:
Something's wrong. Something's wrong with him, Guv. He's barely conscious.

# We're taking advantage of
# Breaking the back of love #

GENE:
He's heading for the gypsy camp. This should be fun.

CHRIS:
Don't try and ram him, Guv.

The Quattro rams the Princess; it goes off the road and turns over.

# We're taking advantage of
# We're breaking the back of love
# Breaking the back of love #



Opening credits:

ALEX voiceover:
My name is Alex Drake. I've been shot and that bullet's taken me back in time. Now I'm lost in 1982 and all I can do is fight, and search and stay alive. Because somehow, I will find a way home.


GENE, ALEX, RAY and CHRIS get out of the Quattro and approach the wreck. Gypsies from the camp start to appear.

RAY:
Ho, ho, ho, ho. That is one smashed up gyppo.

CHRIS:
Think he's dead, Guv. Maybe you shouldn't have rammed him?

GENE is unconcerned and calmly lights up.

GENE:
Death of a Princes.

At least one of the gypsies starts to approach in a threatening manner, but RAY shows his warrant card with a smirk.

ALEX:
I'm 90% certain he was on something.

GENE:
Only 90%? How frightfully modest. (to Gypsies) Well, camp looks cheery this morning. Is there a musical called 'Paint Your Wagon Shit-coloured'?

DR BATTLEFORD appears on the scene.

DR BATTLEFORD:
No-one touch him! No-one move him. Let me see.

RAY:
Ho, ho! Look at this, a gyppo in brogues!

DR BATTLEFORD:
Yeah, I'm a GP.

DR BATTLEFORD goes to examine the body.

DR BATTLEFORD:
He's dead.

GENE:
So five years of medical school paid off then? (to Gypsies) This man is Jed Wicklow, correct? He was running a car ringing operation. I suppose you lot weren't aware of that, 'cos you're all so law abiding.

TERRY:
Yeah, we are.

ALEX:
Right, we need to rope off the crash scene. We can't move the body until forensics get here.

GENE:
Why? He crashed. End of.

ALEX:
Because he was under the influence.

RAY:
Big deal. I'm under the influence right now.

ALEX:
Guv, we need to secure the crash scene. This guy died in complicated circumstances.

GENE:
He rolled over. There's nothing complicated about that.

TERRY:
You killed him! You ran him off the road!

ALEX:
Guv.

GENE:
Ray? I want a barrel-load of plod. You, Dr Death, verify cause and time. You stay with the body until we find a slab for it.

CHRIS:
Come on. Back.

RAY:
Nothing to see here, move on.

CHRIS:
Well, something to see, but you can't bloody see it. Back!

He looks up at TERRY, who's not giving the impression of wanting to go anywhere.

CHRIS:
Back?

ALEX:
Hey. These people trust you?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Yes.

ALEX:
Good. Well then so do I. Can you, er, ask them to step away, please.

RAY, meanwhile, is squaring up to TERRY.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Terry. Please, just try to keep people away. Can somebody get a sheet to cover him up?

The gypsies move away, RAY smirking at his 'victory', but one, OLD MOTHER, lingers, staring at ALEX.



CID. ALEX is at her desk as RAY and CHRIS come in.

RAY:
The Guv doesn't have to say that he rammed the Princess. He could just say that Jed was pissed and lost control. We could back him up.

CHRIS:
I suppose. Mess, though.

ALEX:
Nobody should lie about what happened today.

GENE and SUPERMAC come in, unbeknownst to ALEX.

ALEX:
An accident occurred and our chief suspect was killed. Now that does effect our investigation. And it should, if we have any moral compass whatsoever, effect our consciences, okay?

SUPERMAC:
Quite right, Inspector. That's the way I want this force to operate. We get the facts straight, we decide where the blame lies and if it lies with us, we acknowledge it. Publicly.

GENE:
Any ID on the Princess?

CHRIS:
We haven't made any checks, Guv. We didn't think it was a priority.

GENE:
Everything is a priority all of the time. We do know how to be thorough when the mood takes us, sir.

GENE dishes out a glare and he and SUPERMAC go into his office. RAY whistles.

RAY:
Of all the great career moves in all the world, I'm glad I just got to see the worst. Classic timing, ma'am.

ALEX:
Oh, I don't need to take a career lecture from you, Carling. You were talking about a cover-up just now.

ALEX returns to her desk.

CHRIS:
Thing is, though, if we're going to do all this whiter than white stuff, Guv's got to hold his hands up to dangerous driving.

RAY:
It'll be fine.

CHRIS:
You don't know that.

RAY:
Yes, I do.

ALEX is staring into Gene's office; he notices and pointedly draws the blind. ALEX is not impressed and goes into his office.

GENE:
I didn't say 'come'

ALEX:
I'm a modern girl, Guv. I come when I need to. Now what sort of statement will we issue to the press?

SUPERMAC:
Well, we give the press the good news, of course. This was a major car theft racket with two grand's worth of motor stolen every week. Complex re-spray and fencing system.

ALEX:
I realise it's a coup, sir, but it's still a hot potato. I appreciate this sort of thing happens. I mean Wicklow could have crashed anyway, he was so out of it. I'm not laying blame.

GENE:
Oh, you're laying the blame the same way that a two-bit hooker lays stockbrokers.

SUPERMAC:
All right, Gene. I know where you're coming from, Inspector. Operation Burning Ring ended in a nasty mess, but it could have been a lot worse. A helluva lot worse for both of you. I've seen good coppers crucified for stuff like this. In fact, DCI Hunt's a hero.

SUPERMAC leaves the Gene's office.

ALEX:
What?

GENE and ALEX follow SUPERMAC into CID.

SUPERMAC:
Wicklow was out of control.

ALEX:
Yeah.

SUPERMAC:
Which is why he would have ploughed straight into that kiddie.

ALEX:
What kiddie?

SUPERMAC:
Oh, I've spoken to them personally. A witness who said there was a child standing directly in the path of the Princess. If Gene hadn't shunted the vehicle it would have hit that child.

ALEX:
Well I don't recall a 'kiddie'

SUPERMAC:
Must have been on your blind side. Good grief, I feel like Richard Nixon. We have a witness! The press hounds'll love it. Prompt action saves the day. Well done everybody. Well done, Gene.

ALEX:
Guv, we can still prove that Jed Wicklow had drugs in his system. It's...

GENE:
Thank you very much, sir.

SUPERMAC leaves, patting DC SLATE on the shoulder on his way out.

SUPERMAC:
Well done, lads.

ALEX throws GENE a look and follows SUPERMAC into the corridor.

ALEX:
Sir.

SUPERMAC:
You really do want every little box ticked, don't you, Inspector? You want to meet the child concerned? I can arrange that.

ALEX:
Putting the child to one side, sir, it's about Kevin Hales.

SUPERMAC:
I can hardly bear to hear the name of that cop killer.

ALEX:
Suspected cop killer.

SUPERMAC:
Suspect? He confessed.

ALEX:
Or was forced to confess.

SUPERMAC:
Yeah, sorry. You put in a request about him yesterday. I didn't get back to you.

ALEX:
When Kevin was arrested, he was, ah... he was bewildered. And I'd just like another chance to talk to him.

GENE appears in the corridor behind ALEX.

SUPERMAC:
You want to talk to that piece of dirt, then fine and dandy. I'd have thought you'd got quite enough on your plate.

SUPERMAC looks at GENE and ALEX turns and sees him. SUPERMAC leaves.

ALEX:
I want to talk to Kevin Hales.

GENE:
You can't leave things alone, can you? Pick, pick, picketty-pick.

ALEX:
I was trying to help you out back there, Guv. We could have sorted this car crash thing without resorting to...

GENE:
To what, Bolls?

ALEX:
To... whatever methods you've now decided to run with.

GENE:
A quick reminder, Drakey. I am one of the good guys and you are on my side.

ALEX:
This'll never be my side.

GENE:
What, are you saying you're not a good cop?

ALEX:
I'm saying I know where I belong.

GENE:
As for Kevin Hales, drop it like it was hot shit. Ta muchly.

GENE leaves.



SUPERMAC is giving a briefing to reporters on the steps of the police station, GENE looking on from above.

SUPERMAC:
...over a period of months, utilising the resources of three divisions. Thanks to the diligence of DCI Hunt and his team, not to mention some frankly heroic driving today, not only is the chief architect of the car ring been put out of action, but DCI Hunt himself, prevented the man from running over a child.



CID are watching a television report about the Falklands war.

MICHAEL BURKE on TV:
The government called the sinking of the 'General Belgrano' an uncalled for act of aggression and the people are...

RAY:
We're really giving those Argies some shit.

CID laugh.

SHAZ:
Those Argies are probably not even professional soldiers, Ray. It's a conscription army. D'you have any idea how young some of them are?

RAY:
If they're old enough to bleed, they're bleeding old enough. Shouldn't even be on our soil.

RAY walks away from the television in a temper, only to be collared by CHRIS.

CHRIS:
Pictures, right? No, come on, pictures. Me and Shaz. It's just...

CHRIS takes a box out of his pocket and opens it to reveal an engagement ring.

CHRIS:
I'm waiting for the right time.

RAY:
Bloody hell, how much did that set you back?

CHRIS:
Five hundred.

RAY:
A monkey?!

CHRIS:
She's worth it.

RAY laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. VIV appears.

VIV:
Ray. A quick word? We got a problem down at the gypsy camp.

ALEX re-enters CID.

ALEX:
Chris. Er, Kevin Hales?

CHRIS:
Bastard.

ALEX:
Where's he on remand?

CHRIS:
Dunno. Bastard.

ALEX:
Stop saying 'bastard' and find him for me.

CHRIS:
Wilco.

ALEX:
If anybody wants me, I'll be at the morgue. Want to find out exactly what Jed Wicklow had in his system.

RAY:
Ma'am? Morgue's a waste of time. Body never even got there. Gypsy Creams nicked it. Dead suspicious, if you ask me.

ALEX:
Not asking you, Ray.

GENE:
Could be the best solution.

ALEX:
What d'you mean?

GENE:
Body vanishes, so does the enquiry.

ALEX:
I'll pretend you didn't say that.

GENE:
Fine. Tell them if they can help us with our investigations, we'll sacrifice a dozen chickens to one of their gods.

RAY:
Thieving swines, they are.

SHAZ:
Oi! I happen to be part Romany on my mum's side.

RAY:
(to CHRIS) News to you that, is it?

GENE:
Bunch of pikeys protecting one of their own.

ALEX:
'Protecting their own.' Well we can't have that, can we? We're going down there now.

GENE:
If we must.

ALEX:
So, she asked pointlessly, does this department have its own Romany liaison officer?

GENE:
Yes. But he got kicked out for pissing in the basin and getting one of the sniffer dogs pregnant.

ALEX:
Shaz, I'm promoting you to liaison officer.

SHAZ:
Super-douper.

ALEX:
(to GENE) Why don't you let me handle this?

GENE:
You in a field with a bunch of gyppos on your own? Don't be ridiculous. They'll tie you up as a sex slave and make a rabbit trap out of your knickers.

ALEX:
You don't have to come.

GENE:
Don't trust me?



Gypsy camp.

GENE:
Right. I want the body of Jed Wicklow. You're interfering with a police investigation. That is a criminal offence.

TERRY:
Some people think us being born is a criminal offence, copper.

GENE:
Oh, please, gimme a break. Tell you what, you want some respect? Why don't you try something totally radical like getting a job and paying your taxes?

DR BATTLEFORD leaves the caravan behind TERRY.

GENE:
Oi, Doctor! What the hell's going on? You're responsible for that body.

DR BATTLEFORD:
They took the body and I wasn't going to stop them.

RAY:
Why, what were they going to do? Eat it?

DR BATTLEFORD:
I'm sorry, but you have to respect other cultures.

CHRIS moves towards the back of the caravan.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Mr Hunt, please, be reasonable. We're both...

GENE:
Why shouldn't I arrest you for obstructing my investigation?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Can we shake? Please. No hard feelings. All square.

GENE looks at DR BATTLEFORD's outstretched hand, but doesn't shake it.

CHRIS:
Guv! Over here, quick!

GENE, ALEX and RAY head behind the caravan to find some of the gypsies burning things in an oil drum.

GENE:
What are you lot doing?

GENE tips over the drum and tries to salvage the items as the gypsies scatter.

GENE:
Burning evidence.

CHRIS:
Shaz says it's part of the tradition. Burn the deceased's belongings.

GENE:
Oh, how convenient.

ALEX goes through the items that have yet to be consigned to the flames, and picks up a plastic bag of pills.

ALEX:
Hey. Guv! Amphetamines.

GENE:
Speed. Enough to make Wicklow a dealer.

ALEX:
Yeah. Unless he was organising a rave.

GENE:
A raving what?

RAY:
We've found him, Guv. Body's all wrapped up in one of the other caravans.

GENE:
Savages.



Two uniformed constables are bringing a stretcher carrying Jed Wicklow's body out of the caravan; RAY and CHRIS are trying to keep the gypsies away.

RAY:
Eh, eh, eh, move away. Come on. Move back.

CHRIS:
Step back from the body, sir, or you'll be arrested. Step back, please. Step back, miss. Step back.

RAY:
Just step back.

ALEX looks over to where DR BATTLEFORD is comforting ALVA.

CHRIS:
Step back, please.

RAY:
Come on, move away.

CHRIS:
Put that down and step back, please.

ALEX walks over to talk to them.

ALEX:
D'you come here a lot?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Ah, since last winter, yeah. Locals thought they had TB, which they didn't, and they're not allowed to register at the surgery, so I help as often as I can. Someone has to.

ALEX:
(to ALVA) You must have had quite a shock today? With the crash?

ALVA:
Jed was my boyfriend.

GENE:
Jed was about more than stolen motors, wasn't he? We're talking drugs and lots of them. I want to know who else was involved.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Look, can you carry on elsewhere, please? Alva here is grieving.

GENE:
Oh, I don't think so, Preggy Sue. You're coming with us. In fact you all are. Chris! Ray! Round them all up and get them down the station, the lot of them.

MUSIC: 'Stool Pigeon' by Kid Creole and the Coconuts.



CID is a madhouse of officers, gypsies and DR BATTLEFORD.

# There's a gentleman that's going round
# Turning the joint upside down
# Stool Pigeon - ha-cha-cha-cha #

DR BATTLEFORD:
(to TERRY) Just answer the man's questions.

# He's an old ex-con that's been away
#Now he's back, no one's safe
# Stool Pigeon - ha-cha-cha-cha #

VIV:
Can I have all those waiting to be interviewed on this side, please! This side! Those being interviewed, follow the officer who's seeing you. Those who have been interviewed, sit tight.

GYSPY:
Lucky heather, sir?

VIV:
I'm sorry, dear.

ALEX:
Er, we've just ID'd the Austin Princess that Jed was driving.

DR BATTLEFORD:
It's mine. It was stolen a few days ago. I didn't tell the police because I knew it was someone from the camp and, well, they get enough grief as it is.

ALEX:
You care about them, don't you?

DR BATTLEFORD:
After I got divorced... Actually there is no 'after', you just get divorced forever, of course. Anyway, I was on my own, didn't like the empty hours, figured I might as well make myself useful. I supposed I've become a bit... absorbed. Their lives, problems, helps you forget about your own.

ALEX:
Well, that can happen.

CHRIS:
Ma'am?

ALEX:
Chris. Hey, what's with the old...

ALEX indicates the sprig of white heather pinned to CHRIS' shirt.

CHRIS:
Lucky, innit? Can't hurt.

ALEX:
Mmm. Look at her.

ALEX nods to the GYPSY heather seller.

ALEX:
Doesn't look very lucky, does she?

CHRIS:
Not WEARING the heather though, is she?

ALEX:
O-kay.

CHRIS:
You asked about that bastard cop killer, Kevin Hales? I can't find a trace of him anywhere. Not at Pentonville or the Scrubs. He might have been farmed out to a nick. Coppers inside are high risk.

ALEX:
Well, not a trace, don't you find that suspicious?

CHRIS:
Dunno. Just a balls up. Er, here's the toxic report on the little blue pills found in Jed's boot.

ALEX:
Ah. Amphetamines.

CHRIS:
Speed. Yeah.

ALEX:
Well it's a fair bet then that he was dealing. These are class A drugs and someone here must know something about them. Good.

ALEX leaves and joins GENE in the Interview Room.

GENE:
You're not in trouble, love. We just, er, want you to tell us about Jed Wicklow.

ALEX:
The way he crashed.

OLD MOTHER:
When this one rammed into him?

ALEX:
We've reason to believe he was under the influence.

OLD MOTHER:
Well he was a drinker, and a fighter. And an enemy of my people.

GENE:
How?

OLD MOTHER:
Because he was everything that people think we are.

OLD MOTHER starts to deal out tarot cards on the table.

OLD MOTHER:
I've watched him pollute our young men. Getting them on to drugs. Little pills.

GENE:
Was he a user?

OLD MOTHER:
Nah. He was too fly for that, dear.

ALEX:
But he was on something in the car this morning?

OLD MOTHER finishes dealing the tarot cards and studies them.

GENE:
Come on, love, we're not at the bloody fair.

OLD MOTHER:
This one I have never seen.

GENE:
Look out, Bolls, tall dark handsome stranger on his way.

OLD MOTHER:
Well, he's tall. Some might say handsome. Some might say the devil made flesh. You've been taken away from a child. Far away. But you fight. You always fight to get back.

ALEX:
Yeah.

OLD MOTHER:
Her face...?

ALEX:
I, er... I can't... Sometimes I can't see her face.

OLD MOTHER:
Someone is stopping you from getting home?

ALEX:
Yes. Yes, there's somebody I have to fight.

GENE:
Well this is a magical ride to the wrong side of the wardrobe.

OLD MOTHER grabs ALEX's hand to read her palm.

OLD MOTHER:
Time is short. The life line... Is... er, er... How is the life line fading?

ALEX snatches back her hand.

GENE:
Don't tell me you buy in to all this crap, Inspector.

ALEX:
I do, yeah.

ALEX leaves, upset. GENE goes to follow.

OLD MOTHER:
You! You I wish to read for.

GENE:
Read a magazine, I'm busy.

GENE leaves and finds ALEX in the corridor outside CID.

GENE:
What's with the heebie-jeebies?

ALEX:
Just forget it. I need a drink.

GENE:
You know, I think you're taking all of this far too bloody personally. Jed Wicklow was a drug dealer, now he's a dead drug dealer. String up the bunting. One more off the streets. Soon as we find out if he had any accomplices, we can ship all this lot back to shanty town. You don't believe in all that voodoo nonsense, do you? I would suggest you keep that pretty little head of yours in the real world, Drake.

ALEX:
Mmm. But what if there's more than one real world? 'Scuse me.

ALEX leaves. GENE returns to OLD MOTHER in the interview room.

GENE:
Right, I'm tired and you people are doing my head in. We're calling it a day.

OLD MOTHER:
Your fate is connected with the fate of many others.

GENE:
S'pose so, I'm a copper. Get your coat.

OLD MOTHER:
What sign are you?

GENE:
Serpico.

OLD MOTHER deals further tarot cards.

OLD MOTHER:
The Hanged Man tells me that you have power. Power that you will soon be forced to give up.

GENE:
It'll be a cold day in hell when that happens, grandma. Coat.

OLD MOTHER:
You'll give up your power to a Tyler.

GENE:
What?

OLD MOTHER:
A Tyler.

GENE:
Tyler?



CID.

ALEX:
Ray, a word. I need Battleford.

RAY:
Yeah, talking of the good doctor, you wanted to know about the autopsy on the Austin? This is the juicy bit.

RAY hands ALEX a piece of paper to read. They exchange 'Gotcha' smiles of policing smugness.

ALEX:
Where is he?

RAY:
On his way out.

ALEX:
Nice.

ALEX leaves CID and catches up with DR BATTLEFORD just as he's escorting ALVA out of the station.

ALEX:
Dr Battleford?

DR BATTLEFORD:
I'm taking Alva home.

ALEX:
It's very interesting how you've managed to answer all of our questions while saying absolutely nothing.

DR BATTLEFORD:
I'm not with you.

ALEX:
Er, Viv! Can you make sure Alva gets a lift home?

VIV:
Of course, ma'am. Come on, sweetheart.

ALEX:
See, you never told us that the stolen car was yours until we brought it up.

GENE shimmers up.

DR BATTLEFORD:
I told you, I didn't want you thinking badly...

ALEX:
And also did you know the brakes were cut on your car? The car that Jed Wicklow was killed in.

GENE:
Cut brakes? Very tasty.

DR BATTLEFORD:
This is ridiculous. As if I don't have enough to deal with in my life. I am going through a vicious divorce, okay? Vicious. And now you're saying, what? That I'm a suspect in Jed's murder?

ALEX:
Well, you stood by while they hid the body. That suit you, did it?

DR BATTLEFORD:
This is just lazy, Inspector. But then again what should one expect from the Met.?

ALEX:
You see, the thing is, Guv, I've just told Dr Battleford that the brakes were cut on his car and he has expressed no surprise or shock whatsoever!

DR BATTLEFORD:
And how should I react?

ALEX:
Well... a normal reaction could be, um, 'What if I'd been driving the car?' Or maybe, maybe somebody was trying to hurt me?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Cod psychology now?

GENE:
Psychiatry actually.

ALEX:
Psychology.

GENE:
Shit.

ALEX:
And not in the least bit cod.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Well it doesn't matter what it's called, it isn't true. Mr Hunt, can I just...

ALEX:
I think you know more than you're telling.

GENE:
D'you know, I think you're right, Inspector.



GENE briskly propels DR BATTLEFORD into the Interview Room, followed by ALEX.

DR BATTLEFORD:
There's no need...

GENE:
May be every need.

ALEX:
Take a seat, please, Doctor.

DR BATTLEFORD:
I've told you before, Mr Hunt. I'm a decent chap, a square sort of bloke. Are you, are you a...

SUPERMAC enters.

DR BATTLEFORD:
...square sort of bloke? You must be, surely?

SUPERMAC:
Oh, he's square and on the level. Aren't you, DCI Hunt?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Okay.

DR BATTLEFORD holds his hand out for GENE to shake. After some reluctance, GENE takes it and gets himself a nice little secret handshake, all witnessed by ALEX.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Okay.

DR BATTLEFORD leaves the interview room, and ALEX goes to follow suit.

ALEX:
Excuse me, sir.

SUPERMAC:
Sure.

SUPERMAC closes the door behind her.

SUPERMAC:
(to GENE) I think we need a chat.



ALEX enters Gene's office and goes to access his computer, evidently without his knowledge.

ALEX:
You, all in it together, aren't you? Rotten to the core. Come on, come on. Come on! Someone invent drag and drop.

Suddenly the lights go out and a message appears on the computer screen:
Crash Crew Standing By. ETA 4 Minutes.

ALEX:
What?

Further text fills the screen:
We're losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....
losing her.... losing her....

The beeping of a monitor becomes audible. The noise stops, the text on the screen disappears and the lights return to normal. SHAZ enters.

SHAZ:
Ma'am?

ALEX:
Knock, Shaz!

SHAZ closes the door again and knocks timidly.

SHAZ:
Ma'am? Is it okay if I head off home?

ALEX:
I am not on their side. I am on that side and I'm fighting there.

ALEX points at the screen.

ALEX:
Shaz, I can't forget that this is the wrong side. I will not be drawn in to his fetid little world.

SHAZ:
What was it?

ALEX:
It was a message.

SHAZ:
But you can't get messages on computers.

ALEX:
Just... just go home, Shaz.

SHAZ:
Are you sure you're...

ALEX thumps the desk, Gene-stylee, and yells at SHAZ.

ALEX:
Just GET OUT!

SHAZ leaves, crestfallen.

ALEX:
Shaz, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

ALEX follows behind, the lights of CID turning off one-by-one behind her. Yes, she also possesses the mystical power of look-no-hands light switching off. Oooo. (Sorry, doing this fries my brain slightly; now for the sauna which'll finish the job.)



GENE, SUPERMAC, sauna, towels, no towels, etc. All very steamy.

SUPERMAC:
Glad you could make it, Gene.

GENE:
I've been known to meet in a public house and be quite happy.

SUPERMAC:
I like it here. Like a cocoon. No outside world. Just friends, and whatever friends, or... brothers, care to discuss. I know that business with the handshake threw you. Pretty soon it won't. All clubs have their idiosyncrasies. Our club is no different. Battleford. Some local doc. Not really killer material, is he? Not with a field full of gypsies to throw in the mix.

GENE:
They're gunning for us, Mac. They find a flaw, they're going to rip us wide open.

SUPERMAC:
You seen this superglue stuff on the telly? Bonds anything, they reckon. Fella stuck to a board, swinging from a helicopter. Amazing. We need to be superglue and there are ways of doing that. Your predecessor, DCI Garrett, didn't understand that. I don't want to see your chair vacant. Don't want to see you end up like Garrett. You know what you have to do.

GENE:
Join the club?

SUPERMAC:
Show me you're with us. We have to stick together.

GENE:
Well, we will in this heat.

SUPERMAC chuckles.

SUPERMAC:
So we're settled then? Done.

GENE:
I, er, have to warn you. I'm not very good in clubs. Serving a lifetime ban from the Scouts.

SUPERMAC:
I'll notify the Lodge. The more they try to break us, the stronger we become.

SUPERMAC leaves.

GENE:
Superglue.

MUSIC: 'Tempted' by Squeeze.

SUPERMAC:
Hmm.

GENE checks he's gone and lights up, looking thoughtful.

# I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a flannel for my face
# Pyjamas, a hair brush, new shoes and a case.
# I said to my reflection, let's get out of this place
# Passed the church and the steeple
# The laundry on the hill #



Luigi's. LUIGI is at the bar, polishing a glass (surprise) casting anxious glances at ALEX, who's getting plastered on the House White.

# Billboards and the buildings
# Memories of it still keep calling and calling
# But forget it all, I know I will #

ALEX:
Everywhere I look there's a cover-up. Lies, deception. I've lost perspective, Luigi. I've lost track of... where I'm from. Where I belong.

LUIGI:
Signorina Drake, you drink so much.

ALEX:
I, um... can't see her face anymore. I can't see her. The Guv, he wants me to belong. But I mustn't. I mustn't. Whatever this place is, I can't stay in it. But I don't know how to get home.

LUIGI:
I do. But I can't afford it.

ALEX:
If I don't fight this corruption then I'll never get home. So I'll take them on. All of them. Because I tell you, Luigi, I tell you, one day I will go home. You wait.

LUIGI:
I always wait. I am a waiter.



ALEX is having a bit of a nightmare. Yes, I know she's pretty much living one, but this one's while she's asleep.

ALEX:
Milly* Mustn't forget. (*Indistinct; could be 'really' or simply a sigh.)

Blurred image of MOLLY, hair obscuring her face.

ALEX:
I mustn't forget her. No. I'm never forgetting anything.

Distorted noises, possibly a voice. Blurred image of the tarot cards and OLD MOTHER.

OLD MOTHER:
The lifeline... How can it be fading? The devil made flesh.

Blurred image of GENE.

GENE:
You're on our side now.

Blurred images of GENE and SUPERMAC in the latter's office.

SUPERMAC:
You're one of us now, Gene. Square and on the level. Shut the door Gene.

ALEX:
No.

Blurred images from the interview room with GENE, SUPERMAC and DR BATTLEFORD.

DR BATTLEFORD:
...square sort of chap.

SUPERMAC:
He's square and on the level.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Must be...

SUPERMAC:
Shake.

DR BATTLEFORD:
...surely?

SUPERMAC:
Shake hands.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Mr Hunt.

ALEX wakes with a start, to see SUPERMAC sitting on her bed.

ALEX:
What are you doing?

SUPERMAC blurs, ALEX blinks and he's gone. She composes herself to sleep again.



CID. ALEX enters, closely followed by CHRIS.

CHRIS:
Ma'am, pathological report on Jed Wicklow.

ALEX:
It's pathology.

CHRIS:
I said that.

ALEX:
Ha. Jed Wicklow died of an overdose of sleeping pills.

CHRIS:
Sleeping pills?

ALEX:
Yes. The panacea of desperate housewives, not gypsy drug dealers. Now, who could have a ready supply of those to hand?

CHRIS:
Who are you phoning, ma'am?

ALEX into the telephone:
Dr Battleford, please. It's DI Drake from Fenchurch East CID.

CHRIS:
I can't see a GP being wrapped up in all this, not really.

ALEX:
Why, 'cos he votes SDP?

ALEX into the telephone:
He's not? Fine. D'you know when he'll be back? Okay, thank you. Bye.

ALEX hangs up.

ALEX:
He's there. He's avoiding us. Chris, I want you to go down to the surgery and find Battleford. Don't let him fob you off. I want to see exactly what he's got to say about the prescription drugs in Jed Wicklow's system.

CHRIS:
He'll say he doesn't know anything.

ALEX:
Well, apply some pressure and see what happens.

CHRIS:
Shall I tell the Guv?

ALEX:
Er... you know, I think maybe we should keep this between us. You know, we're both grown-ups, after all.

CHRIS:
Wilco.

CHRIS leaves, as does ALEX, after a shifty look towards Gene's office.



Gypsy camp. ALEX arrives and heads straight to ALVA who's sitting on the steps of her caravan with a little girl.

ALEX:
Hey. Um, are you able to talk to me about Jed, Alva?

ALVA:
(to little girl) Want to go and play with the others?

The little girl leaves. ALVA rolls up her sleeve and shows ALEX.

ALEX:
Did Jed give you those bruises?

ALVA:
I'm not sorry he's dead. I tried talking to him and he'd cry an' that and tell me he was sorry. 'I'll look after you, Alva.' Then it'd start again. I weren't worried for me though, it was Cathy and Billy.

ALEX:
Who's Cathy and Billy?

ALVA lays her hand on her stomach.

ALVA:
Cathy if it's a girl and Billy if it's a boy.

ALEX:
Um... I know that he's been kind, but is there anything that I should know about Dr Battleford?

ALVA:
He helps us here.

ALEX:
Yeah, I know.

ALVA:
I need him for the baby's sake if nothing else. God, you've got kids, you know what I mean.

ALEX:
Yeah, I have. A daughter. Milly. Molly!

ALVA:
Well make up your mind.

ALEX:
It's, it's Molly.

ALVA:
I love it here. Jed's gone now, just don't spoil it. Leave us alone.

OLD MOTHER:
Alva!

ALVA goes as commanded, and ALEX takes the opportunity to search round the interior of the caravan, picking up a 'Sooty' hand puppet, rifling through sewing boxes and eventually dislodging a toy doll who's head rolls to the floor. ALEX picks it up and finds a back of pills stuffed inside. There are more pills inside the doll's body.

ALEX:
Shit.



CID and ALEX is having a go at GENE. In the background the television is showing an MOD Falklands-related press briefing. Conflict all round then.

ALEX:
We missed them and they were right under our noses. Battleford was giving sleeping tablets to Alva and toxicology found five day's worth in Jed Wicklow's system.

GENE is distracted by the television.

IAN MCDONALD on TV:
...HMS Sheffield, a Type 42 destroyer, was attacked and hit late this afternoon...

GENE:
Go on.

IAN MCDONALD:
...by an Argentine...

ALEX:
Well what if Alva drugged Jed to stop him hitting her? What if one day she gave him too much? I mean Battleford was prescribing Alva the drugs, he hated Jed, what if he said to Alva...

GENE:
You're straying down the wrong path.

ALEX:
Why, because I'm implicating Battleford?

GENE:
Alva was beaten by Jed. She could have killed him. Simple as that.

ALEX:
Well, then we arrest them both and we cross-interview. At the very least he must be an accessory.

GENE:
Well, we'll start with the girl.

ALEX:
What and protect Battleford? Please don't do this!

RAY:
Guv. You should come and see this. The Sheffield's going down. (to SHAZ) You telling me this is the work of schoolboy conscripts?

VIV:
You know what? Those Argies should just scram, 'cos we're going to waste them.

Chorus of approval from CID.

ALEX:
Mac's got a real hold on you, hasn't he?

GENE:
Oh, shut it.

ALEX:
You've closed down a whole line of inquiry just to keep on side with him. Thick as thieves.

GENE:
Are you going to get me Alva, or do I have to do it myself?

ALEX:
You're a rotten man.

GENE:
You leave Battleford out off this.

ALEX:
It's too late. He's already on his way in.

GENE:
You know you're wasting your time, Drake.

ALEX:
And you're letting me down, Guv.

ALEX leaves.

RAY:
You all right, Guv?

GENE:
Who are you, Marjorie Proops?

GENE slams his office door and sits down, not happy.



ALEX enters the interview room where CHRIS is waiting with DR BATTLEFORD.

DR BATTLEFORD:
This is harassment.

CHRIS:
No, sir. If we were harassing you, you'd know all about it.

ALEX:
The sleeping pills?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Were prescribed to Alva by me.

ALEX:
She had rather a lot of them.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Well... I didn't see what she did with them, I just prescribed them.

ALEX:
And did you prescribe any to Jed Wicklow?

DR BATTLEFORD:
Jed didn't suffer from anxiety, he just caused it. My patient was Alva. I assumed she was taking the tablets as instructed. Wasn't she?

CHRIS:
Those tablets are what killed him.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Oh dear. Listen, I know Alva wouldn't intentionally harm anyone. Can't you leave that young girl alone, Inspector?

ALEX leaves and returns to CID.

RAY:
Our boys are out there fighting for all that's sovereign and back home we've got these dirty scroungers.

ALEX:
Shut it, Sergeant.

ALEX marches on past to Gene's office and shuts the door.

GENE:
Well? You think I'm protecting Battleford. Well, I think you're protecting the girl.

ALEX:
You're not even pushing for the whole truth, are you? Will you please just explain it to me, because I'm really struggling to understand any of this.

GENE:
Oxtail's been taken out of the drinks machine.

ALEX:
What?

GENE:
New initiative.

GENE refers to a piece of paper.

GENE:
Oxtail is now deemed 'incommensurate with standards of public health in the workplace.'

ALEX:
Well a hot cow's arse isn't my idea of a power drink.

GENE:
Oxtail's been on the go as long as I've been in the force. If you're too knackered to eat, it tricks you into thinking you've had a hot meal.

ALEX:
We've strayed from the issue.

GENE:
No, we have not. They're trying to change everything around us. It might not be perfect, but it works.

ALEX:
What is the matter with trying to improve the system? Corruption...

GENE:
Corruption? Sorry, DI Drake, have you just accused me of being corrupt?

ALEX:
I think you're scared. I think you're scared of change.

GENE:
I have always followed my own lights to keep the streets safe, okay? You give me the tools and I will do the job, but do not watch me work because it is not for the faint-hearted.

ALEX:
You're the thin blue line, Gene. I know. But I saw you let somebody off the hook because of the way they shook your hand.

GENE:
Did you though, Bolls?

ALEX:
Well, what did I see?

GENE:
Well, whatever it was, if you don't like it, don't watch.

ALEX:
Please let me in.

GENE:
No.

ALEX:
Just... just talk to me. Trust me.

MUSIC: 'I Second The Emotion' by Japan.

GENE turns away.

# Maybe you want to give me kisses sweet
# Only for one night and no repeat #

ALEX leaves the office leaving GENE looking thoughtful.

# And a taste of honey's worse than none at all
# Oh, little girl.
# In that case I don't want no part
# I do believe that that would only break my heart #

GENE puts down his glass; on the desk is a piece of paper with 'DCI Garrett 0632 9604275' on it. GENE looks even more thoughtful.

# So if you feel like loving me #



CID. CHRIS is clearing up the contents of the Austin Princess into a box but goes across to speak to SHAZ as she comes in, nervously clutching the box with the engagement ring in his pocket.

# If you've got that notion
# I second that emotion
# So if you feel like giving me... #

CHRIS:
Fancy a bite? Curry?

SHAZ:
I'm bushed. Just want to go home and watch 'Fame'. Chris, please stop waggling yourself when you're talking to me!

SHAZ leaves; RAY enters.

RAY:
They're moving them on soon, the gyppos.

Cheers from CID.

ALEX:
Who's orders?

RAY:
Council's. Some kind of caravan act. 'Bout time. Hand it back to the honest tax-paying folk. And if they're drafting in any muscle, I'm well up for it.

ALEX leaves in casual yet highly suspicious manner.

CHRIS:
Shaz has blown me out.

RAY:
Yeah, well, lucky you.

CHRIS:
No, blown me out! I dunno when I'm going to pop the bloody question! Pint?

RAY:
No. Not tonight.

RAY glances over his shoulder at GENE still in his office, then leaves. CID empties as everyone knocks off for the day.

MUSIC: 'In the Air Tonight' by Phil Collins.



Gene's office. He's making a phone call.

DCI GARRETT on phone:
Hello?

GENE into telephone:
DCI Garrett?

DCI GARRETT on phone:
Nobody calls me that any more. Who the hell's this?

GENE into telephone:
Gene Hunt.

# I can feel it... #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
Hunt? Ah, my replacement.

# ...coming in the air tonight... #

GENE into telephone:
What's the weather like in Margate?

# ...oh, Lord. #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
Blinding.

GENE into telephone:
Why d'you leave, Garrett?

# I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life

GENE into telephone:
You were gone inside a week.

# ...oh, Lord. #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
I... suddenly had an urge to live by the sea.

# Can you feel it... #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
You being a good little Indian, are you?

#...coming in the air tonight #

GENE into telephone:
What d'you mean?

DCI GARRETT on phone:
'Course you are.

# ...oh, Lord... #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
You'd have to be.

# ...oh, Lord. #

DCI GARRETT on phone:
I tell you what, Hunt, don't call here again.

DCI GARRETT hangs up. GENE screws up the piece of paper with the number on and throws it aside, looking thoughtful again.

# Well if you told me you were drowning
# I would not lend a hand.
# I've seen your face before, my friend
# But I don't know if you know who I am #

GENE leaves his office, performing the look-no-hands turning out of the lights miracle, but this time to music! Yay! ALEX emerges from the shadows and follows him. In that rather noticeable white jacket. Er, yes...

# And I can feel it, coming in the air tonight, oh, Lord #



ALEX goes down some steps to a basement entrance, presumably of the Masonic Lodge, and surreptitiously lets herself in. A smoker watches, unseen by her.

# Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh, Lord.
# And I can feel it in the air tonight, oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.#



Inside the Lodge, GENE comes out of the Gents carrying his boots, one foot bare and trouser leg rolled up. SUPERMAC greets him in full Masonic regalia. GENE hands his boots to one of the other Masons milling about.

GENE:
Anything happens to those boots...

SUPERMAC rips open the top of GENE's shirt, much to the latter's surprise.

SUPERMAC:
It's all right. Trust me.

Another Mason slips a noose over GENE's head; he does not look comfortable at all.

SUPERMAC:
You are now properly prepared.

SUPERMAC leads GENE down the corridor to a door; standing outside it, also in Masonic regalia, is RAY.

GENE:
Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

SUPERMAC:
This is the keeper of the door. The Tyler.

GENE:
Tyler?

SUPERMAC:
You must now be stripped of all vestiges of power. Empty your pockets.

A Mason fastens a blindfold over GENE's eyes.

SUPERMAC:
You are neither naked nor clothed. You are deprived of money and chattels.

In the shadows, ALEX looks on in despair.

SUPERMAC:
Now, allow a friend to lead you through the door.

RAY turns to knock ceremoniously on the door.

GENE:
Erm, don't like the blindfold.

SUPERMAC:
It represents your spiritual darkness.

GENE:
Yeah, well I'm not really all that spiritual, Mac.

SUPERMAC:
You'll be fine.

RAY opens the door and SUPERMAC leads GENE in.



Inside the main hall, Masons sit around the perimeter of the room while GENE kneels in front of a lectern as SUPERMAC performs the initiation ceremony.

SUPERMAC:
You have come to us in darkness. You have come without wealth and without authority.

ALEX has managed to lurk in the shadows here as well, and looks round to see DR BATTLEFORD amongst the ranks of Masons.

SUPERMAC:
You have come because you are ready to be born into a fraternity. You have come because you wish to understand the craft and all its symbols. So... are you come?

GENE:
I am. Come. Yeah.

SUPERMAC:
Do you, Gene Hunt, swear that you will always hail, ever conceal, and never reveal the secrets, arts and mysteries which you will receive.

GENE:
I do.

SUPERMAC:
Do you pledge never to speak evil of a brother Mason, to apprise him of any approaching danger, and to aid him if he makes the call?

GENE:
I do.

GENE's blindfold is removed.

SUPERMAC:
Welcome, Brother Hunt.

SUPERMAC shakes GENE's hand while the other Masons applaud.

MASONS:
Welcome, Brother Hunt. Welcome. Welcome, Brother Hunt.

GENE:
Well, it's definitely better than the Scouts.

SUPERMAC:
Now we can have a drink. I'm gasping.

GENE:
Mmm.

SUPERMAC:
(to RAY) It took a while but we got him here, eh?

RAY:
So I'm the Tyler. You couldn't make it up, could you? Well done, mate.

GENE:
Mate? When have you ever called me 'mate'?

RAY:
Different set of rules here, Gene. Good to have you.

RAY holds out his hand to shake, and after brief hesitation GENE shakes.

GENE:
Hmm.

ALEX is still hiding, looking slightly shell-shocked. A voice whispers to her.

MARTIN SUMMERS:
Alex. Quite a sight, isn't it?

ALEX looks round to see a figure in Masonic regalia disappear through a door. She follows, finding herself on a staircase.

MARTIN SUMMERS:
Hello, again.

ALEX:
You... You drugged me.

ALEX looks over the bannister rail, but all that's visible of MARTIN SUMMERS is a plume of cigarette smoke.

MARTIN SUMMERS:
I needed to know who you were, Alex. You're forgetting where you came from.

ALEX:
Where did I come from?

MARTIN SUMMERS:
The same place as me, and Molly is waiting for you.

ALEX:
No, not Molly, it can't be.

MARTIN SUMMERS:
If you trust me, Alex, we can go home together.

ALEX:
But I don't. I don't trust you.

MARTIN SUMMERS:
Bye.

ALEX:
No. No, please, please come back.

The figure disappears out of another door at the bottom of the stairs.

ALEX:
Please, come back. If this is real you could help me! Please! I want to go home!

ALEX thumps the bannister in frustration then sinks down onto the stairs, all alone. Aww.



Gene's office, and he's looking thoughtful *again*. ALEX comes in to CID and speaks to him from the doorway.

GENE:
Leave me alone.

ALEX:
Nice night?

GENE:
Terrific. You?

ALEX:
Mmm. Very interesting.

GENE:
Great.

ALEX:
It's complicated, isn't it? Life? You think you've got it all worked out. Someone comes along and makes you think completely differently about it. All change.

GENE:
Bugger off, it's late.

ALEX turns to go but stops at the box of belongings from the Princess still on CHRIS' desk. She picks up a 'Sweep' glove puppet.

ALEX;
Who's stuff's this? This stuff in the box?

GENE:
Go home, Drake.

ALEX;
Is it Jed's?

GENE:
The dabs are Battleford's. It was his car.

ALEX:
But this stuff's his?

ALEX has a flashback to picking up the 'Sooty' glove puppet in Alva's caravan.



ALEX and CHRIS head down the corridor to talk to DR BATTLEFORD.

ALEX:
I'm really pleased, Chris.

CHRIS:
Eh?

ALEX:
After what I saw last night, I'm really pleased you're not one of them.

CHRIS:
I'm not one of them. I've got a girlfriend.

ALEX:
Er, listen. I'm going to have to make a deductive leap with Battleford, okay? So just follow my lead.

CHRIS:
Okay, ma'am. Wilco.

DR BATTLEFORD approaches.

DR BATTLEFORD:
What the hell's going on now?



Interview room.

ALEX:
So, at what point did Jed Wicklow discover you were having sex with his girlfriend? Was it rape?

DR BATTLEFORD:
You may not believe me, but we were both attracted to each other. I love her, actually.

ALEX:
Oh, so it's love, actually? More like four benzos and a funeral.

CHRIS:
Jed played daddy for a bit. Did you pay him to do that?

DR BATTLEFORD:
No comment.

CHRIS:
But that couldn't last, 'cos you're ex-wife was bleeding you dry. Once you stopped paying Jed, he was going to tell everyone that you were the father, and bang goes your reputation.

DR BATTLEFORD:
I want a solicitor.

ALEX:
Jed had you over a barrel, so you decided to kill him. Did you get him to the surgery, spike him there? You gave him a car and you cut the brakes for good measure.

CHRIS:
Pikey in a crashed stolen motor, how far's anybody going to look?

ALEX:
And if they do, well, you just shake their hand because for all your liberal bullshit, you still couldn't understand why anybody would give a shit about one dead pikey thief. I think you're nicked, doctor.

GENE enters.

ALEX;
Guv, we're just, er...

GENE:
Dr Battleford, you're free to go. Get out, Battleford.

CHRIS:
Guv, you should hear us out on this one.

DR BATTLEFORD:
Mr Hunt, thank you, so much. I knew I, knew I could count on you...

GENE:
GET OUT!

ALEX indicates CHRIS should vacate the fallout zone as well, which he does.

ALEX:
He is guilty of murder.

GENE:
Fine.

ALEX:
If this is your idea of preserving something, then you should hang! All of you should hang! Newman is right. Scarman is right. You're filthy and you're rotten!

GENE:
And you have a very pretty face, but you go on longer than the Eurovision Song Contest.

GENE slams the door shut.

GENE:
I know this station is corrupt. I know that Supermac is as bent as a ten bob bit. And I hate the poofy, freaky, creepy, weirdy, trouser-hitching, nipple-waggling bloody Masons. All right?

ALEX:
I followed you. I saw you.

GENE:
You're not getting it, are you, Bolls? I had to join, even though it sickens me to the pit of my stomach. In the words of Marlon Brando, 'You keep your friends close but your enemies closer.' How am I supposed to take on the Super and find out how high this miserable things goes, if I'm being pensioned off early and left to rot in some bungalow in Margate? I tell you this, Drake. I hate it. I hate what they're doing to this force.

ALEX;
You're playing with them.

GENE:
No, that's just the way I'm standing. I almost told you about on a couple of occasions, but, er, this is risky stuff. Far better that you didn't know what I was up to. That said, I didn't take into account just what a determined pair of stockings you actually are.

ALEX:
But you can't just let Battleford go.

GENE:
Oh, he'll get life. I'll see to that. But we have even bigger fish to fry in this hornets' nest. And we only have one stab at it or else they'll be like rats leaving a sinking ship.

ALEX:
Metaphors. All over the shop.

GENE:
I know. Clever, innit? So right now I need to be square with super-douper Mackintosh, okay?

ALEX:
And what about Kevin Hales? Did you have anything to do with stitching him up?

GENE:
No, and I don't know where he's gone either. For now we'll keep that to ourselves. Things are getting a little bit tasty around here.

ALEX:
You know, I, um... I think I know what's important, and then I forget.

GENE:
What's important is you remember you're one of us.

ALEX:
Thank you.

GENE:
Why?

ALEX:
Because I'm scared a lot of the time and you, er... were one of the only things that I could rely on. For being... stubborn and angry. Conceited...

GENE:
You'll have me blushing.

ALEX:
You don't get it, do you? You don't get it. I thought I'd lost you.

SHAZ bursts in (yeah, thanks, Shaz)

SHAZ:
Ray's taken some lads down to the camp. They're looking for trouble.



MUSIC: 'Town Called Malice' by The Jam

Gypsy camp; RAY and some of the lads from CID are squaring up to TERRY and some of the gypsies.

RAY:
The 1960 Control of Development Act means that you're here illegally. So either pack up all your stuff and move on, or we'll do the removal for you.

TERRY:
We work. We earn money. We've got a right to live somewhere.

# Better stop dreaming of the quiet life
# 'Cos it's the one we'll never know #

RAY:
Yeah, pack up all their stuff, boys, and throw it out in the road.

# And quit running for that runaway bus
# 'Cos those rosey days are few #

TERRY:
Over my dead body.

RAY:
Yes, please.

RAY shoves TERRY, and a second gypsy punches RAY, who then retaliates and propels him across to a van, and starts beating the crap out of him. The Quattro appears.

# And stop apologising for the things you've never done
# Time is short but life is cruel
# But it's up to us to change
# A town called Malice #

GENE:
What is this? The rumble in the bloody jungle?

OLD MOTHER:
Alva. She's gone.

ALEX:
I'll help you find her.

CHRIS:
Ray, what you doing, mate?

RAY:
What you talking about?

RAY goes to have a pop at CHRIS, but GENE collars him and slams him up against the van.

GENE:
They're gyppos, not Argies. Come on!

RAY subsides.

GENE:
Right, where's Drake got to? Chris! You get Battleford.



GENE marches through some woodland in the search for his DI.

GENE:
Drake?! Drake?

Gene finds ALEX helping ALVA, who's inconveniently gone into labour in the middle of nowhere.

ALEX:
Don't push yet, Alva.

GENE:
Ah. Right. Er... Women's things. Good. Very good.

ALVA:
I'm gonna die!

ALEX:
No, you're not, You're not going...

ALVA:
I AM!

ALEX:
She's not going to die, is she, Guv? Hold her hand!

GENE:
Right. Listen, love. You're not going to die. As a senior police officer, I'm tell- Oh. That's occurring then. Erm... I'll go and get the car.

ALVA grabs GENE's hand tighter, screaming all the while.

GENE:
Ow.

ALEX:
Right, okay, it's on the way. It's on the way. Right, right! Push! Push!

GENE:
Ow! My hand!

ALEX:
It's crowning!

GENE:
Is that good?

ALEX:
Yeah, yeah. It means the head's showing!

GENE:
Come on! Go on, girl! Go on, cow son!

ALEX:
Don't refer to this baby as 'cow son'! Okay, right, just be brave. Just for a minute more. Okay, push! Push!

GENE:
Come on! Come on! Come on, Eileen! Come on, Eileen!

ALEX:
Who's Eileen?

GENE:
I dunno. COME ON, EILEEN!

Further screams, baby born, cue music...



MUSIC: 'Come on Eileen' by Dexy's Midnight Runners

ALEX escorts ALVA back to the camp, GENE carrying the baby.

ALEX:
Let's get you in. Right.

OLD MOTHER:
Cathy or Billy?

ALVA:
Eileen. (indicates GENE) He named her.

# Come on Eileen #

ALVA gets into a squad car and GENE hands Eileen in to her. ALEX walks over to RAY, CHRIS and two uniform.

ALEX:
Hey. We need to get them to a hospital.

One of the uniform officers moves to do it.

UNIFORM:
Ma'am.

RAY:
I'll drive her.

# Come on Eileen #

RAY:
(to OLD MOTHER) D'you want to go with her, love?

# Poor old Johnny Ray... #

ALEX:
You okay?

GENE:
Put it this way, I'm never letting Luigi cook me lasagne again.



GENE escorts DR BATTLEFORD into the Gents, then abruptly puts him in an arm lock and thrusts his head in a urinal. As you do.

GENE:
You had your way with a kid. A kid who trusted you, a professional, and you abused that.

DR BATTLEFORD:
I did want to give her a better life!

GENE:
Confess to murder, Battleford. It'll go down better, believe you me. That's coming from a pro you can trust, the Gene Genie.

DR BATTLEFORD starts to cry.

DR BATTLEFORD:
It was all me. I couldn't take Jed any more, he was the one thing stopping us from being happy. It wasn't her. It wasn't her. It wasn't her.

GENE lets DR BATTLEFORD go and he crumples to the floor, sobbing.



GENE manhandles DR BATTLEFORD out of the Gents and into VIV's tender mercies, ALEX shimmering up to witness it.

GENE:
Take him down, Skip.

VIV:
Ah, cheer up, little soldier. The cell's all nice and Dettolled and there's bun's for tea.

VIV shoves DR BATTLEFORD briskly through the doors.

VIV:
In there.



Gene's office.

GENE:
Full confession. The doctor did it. Alva can carry on living in a toilet.

SUPERMAC:
I thought this thing had been agreed, Gene. You're in these days. We talked about this.

GENE:
Yeah, I know. But the DI bird pushed for it and... to be quite frank, I don't think Battleford's worth the aggro.

SUPERMAC:
He's all square.

GENE:
Okay, fine, yeah. I can let him go. No problems. But, er... Well, he had sex with a girl barely sixteen. How old's your daughter?

SUPERMAC:
Yeah. No-one wants to drink with a bloke like that. And he made a rod for his own back with a confession. Hang him out to dry.

GENE:
Thank you.

SUPERMAC:
She's trouble though. Drake.

GENE:
Oh, I can slap her down. It's what makes the days fly by.

SUPERMAC and GENE leave the latter's office, SUPERMAC hovering in the doorway of CID on his way out.

GENE:
Chris? I want you to charge Battleford with murder. Take DI Drake with you.

CHRIS:
Nice one, Guv.

ALEX:
Good move, Guv.

GENE:
Shut up, you thorn in my delightful derriere. Now I don't need you blessing or disapproval, Mrs Inspector. I need you to shut your lipstick and do as I tell you. You might have got further than any other brass in this station, but don't imagine you'll have any say other that what I tell you.

ALEX:
Well, I'm sorry if I was out of line, Guv.

CHRIS:
Ma'am.

SUPERMAC is satisfied and leaves.

RAY:
It's all settled then, is it, Gene?

GENE:
I think you'll find it's 'Guv' in here, Sergeant.

RAY:
Yes, Guv.



CHRIS is nervously fingering the ring box, trying to get up courage to talk to SHAZ.

CID BLOKE on phone:
Miss Smith. Mrs Smith. Jean Smith, yeah. No. No, Joan Smith...

RAY enters and passes POIROT.

POIROT:
(singing) Rock a bye baby...

RAY:
Yeah, yeah. They've still got to be moved on, all right? It's the ruddy law. (to CHRIS) I can't believe that you had a pop at me while I was trying to do my duty.

CHRIS:
Well, there's one gyppo I'm not moving on, Ray.

MUSIC: 'Messages' by OMD

CHRIS heads determinedly for SHAZ and goes down on one knee.

SHAZ:
Chris, get up.

CHRIS holds up the open ring box.

CHRIS:
Shazza... would you do me the amazing honour of becoming my wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward...

RAY:
You don't have to go through the whole thing now.

CHRIS:
Shaz? Make me the proudest man alive.

SHAZ:
Yeah. All right.

SHAZ takes the ring and puts it on.

SHAZ:
Brill.

CHRIS:
Brill. She said 'brill'.

RAY:
Well, does this mean we can go out on the piss tonight?

CHRIS:
Does this mean we can go on the piss tonight?

SHAZ:
I suppose it does, lover.

RAY rolls his eyes, but the rest of CID cheer as CHRIS and SHAZ kiss. ALEX beams, pausing briefly to frown at RAY for being less than enthusiastic.



ALEX finds GENE at the drinks machine, tankard in hand.

GENE:
You're looking very chirpy, Bolls. You been sitting on the washing machine again?

ALEX:
I think I might not be alone in this place.

GENE:
Oh yeah?

ALEX:
Mmm. In more ways than one.

GENE:
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

ALEX:
What if... you're real?

GENE:
What if... you were quiet? Hey, would you believe it? Oxtail's back on. Must have read my letter.

ALEX:
Well it wasn't exactly a letter, was it, Guv? 'Oxtail. Now.'

GENE:
Put you in your place an' all.

ALEX:
Yeah. Yeah, it was very convincing.

GENE:
Well it wasn't very difficult. You and me, Bolls, we're a team. Fighting the rot together. You, um... You know all that stuff you were saying earlier? About letting you in? I take it you were employing tactics?

ALEX:
Huh. Yeah, psychological tactics.

GENE:
Hmm. Don't underestimate me, Bolls.

GENE returns to CID and after a short pause, ALEX follows. She hears a monitor-like bleep from Gene's computer and enters his office to investigate. The computer screen reads:
Crash Team Standing By
ETA 2 minutes....

ALEX taps at the keyboard, looking at it uncomprehendingly.

SHAZ:
Going to Luigi's, ma'am?

ALEX:
Er... You know, someone should tell the Guv his computer is completely useless. These things are never going to replace a good old-fashioned typewriter.

SHAZ:
What's it saying?

ALEX:
'ETA something'? I... I thought I knew what that meant, but... It's gone. Forgotten.

MUSIC: 'Wishing (If I had a photograph of you)' by A Flock of Seagulls

ALEX smiles at SHAZ and they leave CID, ALEX with not a care in the world...

Credits.

# It's not the way you look
# It's not the way that you smile
# Although there's something to them
# It's not the way you have your hair
# It's not that certain style
# Although it could be that with you
# If I had a photograph of you... #