Ashes to Ashes, series three, episode eight.
Writer: Matthew Graham
Director: David Drury

xxxx

"Ashes To Ashes" on a black screen. Very episode one, series one. Laughter and someone tapping on glass. We see ALEX, asleep at her desk. Poor lamb's dreaming again. A referee's whistle sounds and an unusual scene from "It's A Knockout" starts. If you're not familiar with the show, or its Euro-version "Jeux Sans Frontières", nip over the YouTube to get the gist. I'll wait. Your commentator is, of course, Mr STUART "Ha Ha Ha, Here Come The Belgians" HALL.

STUART HALL:
It's A Knockout!

MUSIC: 'Beanbag' ('It's A Knockout' theme) by Herb Alpert

STUART HALL:
And Alex is off!

An over-sized character suit of ALEX lumbers into a run towards a course of obstacles. In the stands is MOLLY (remember her?) with a red ballon, yelling encouragement.

MOLLY:
Come on, Mum! You can do it!

An enormous blue shoulder tally with the number M6620 is one item on the course.

STUART HALL:
She's found the numbers!

A breeze blows through CID.

STUART HALL:
6620!

Now an over-sized character suit of GENE starts on the course in pursuit. Or it could be Gordon Brown. No, it's definitely Gene.

STUART HALL:
Oh! Gene Hunt's after her! He's gaining!

There are boos from an unseen audience. ALEX opens her eyes.

STUART HALL:
Ha ha ha ha hah!

MOLLY:
Mummy? Mummy, get up, he's coming!

The music seems to slow down, as does STUART HALL's endless laughter. ALEX looks up towards Gene's office, to see a silhouette looking rather like Sam Tyler, tapping on the glass.

MOLLY:
Mummy!

Knockout!ALEX weaves her way round an obstacle of weathervanes and scarecrows. MOLLY sounds increasingly desperate.

MOLLY:
Mummy! Get up! He's coming!

The laughter slows right down and it and the music stops as a gunshot rings out and GHOSTLY COPPER appears. Knockout!ALEX falls to the ground, Knockout!GENE still running up in pursuit.

MOLLY:
Mummy! Mummy!

In CID, ALEX is apparently wide awake, but still seeing this played out, as she herself appears from out of the Knockout!ALEX suit, Knockout!GENE still coming relentlessly on.

MOLLY:
Mummy! Mummy! Get up, he's coming!

ALEX:
I have to know the truth. The truth will set me free.

In Gene's office, the silhouette of Sam Tyler runs his fingers down the glass. ALEX in "It's A Knockout" turns to see Knockout!GENE looming over her...



The lights come on in CID, and ALEX wakes up at her desk, the photograph of the house and Farringfield Green clutched in her hand. She looks at it, turns it over and reads again "I think we've found our grave" on the back.

ALEX voiceover:
Today, Gene. Today.



MUSIC: 'Tainted Love' by Soft Cell

Under some railway arches and there's definitely a crime scene, blue and white tape, etc. I think 'Tiny' Tim Rivens' establishment used to be in the neighbourhood... The Quattro's already parked outside as ALEX gets out of a squad car. CHRIS comes out and greets her.

CHRIS:
We think it's a gangland hit, ma'am. D'you know the Hardyman gang?

ALEX:
Couple of cousins, aren't they? Playing naughty boys?

CHRIS:
Not any more.

CHRIS and ALEX go in. GENE sees ALEX arrive and turns away. On the floor in front of him are two very dead and very bloody bodies, and a third, hung by his ankles, who's in the throes of being cut down by RAY.

# Tainted love
# Oh, oh, oh
# Tainted love
# Oh, oh, oh
# Tainted love #

RAY:
Alex? Meet Ginger and Nobby. It's all right, lads, no need to get up. Heh heh heh.

ALEX:
Who's the other one?

RAY:
Yeah, we don't know about him yet.

ALEX:
Time of death?

GENE:
I'd say about 30 seconds after their throats were unzipped.

RAY:
A piece of, like, quartz has been put into each of their gobs.

ALEX:
Adding a touch of class to your gangland hit.

GENE:
D'you get a good night's sleep last night?

GENE glares at her pointedly. This is going to be awkward then...

GENE:
Well, there'll be no eyewitness statements here. That's the thing about these underworld gangster bastard types, they're very adept at the great disappearing act. They're not the only ones.

ALEX:
Meaning?

GENE:
You tell me.

ALEX:
You started the train of thought.

RAY:
Oh, come on, you two. You're at it already. I haven't even had my brekkie yet.

RAY has been sawing through the rope all the while, and it finally gives way, dumping the third man on the floor.

RAY:
Oh!

CHRIS:
Don't think I'll ever eat breakfast again.

GENE:
Right, what we do know is that they were trying to jump up the league table. Prostitutes. Heroin. Should have stuck to sub-post offices. You see, some people just don't know a good thing.

RAY:
Hey, what's that in Ginger's hand?

RAY bends down to look at the bloodied palm.

RAY:
It's a phone number. It's got a Fenchurch East prefix.

Suddenly the man who's just been cut down starts moaning.

ALEX:
Oh my God!

GENE;
You've got to be kidding me!

ALEX:
What, did... did nobody take a pulse?!

RAY:
His pulse was all over the bloody floor!

ALEX:
Chris, get an ambulance, now!

CHRIS dashes off. The third man tries to speak.

GENE:
What's he saying?

RAY:
Sounds like a name.

THIRD MAN:
...Vicky.

RAY:
What you saying, mate? Vicky P?

THIRD MAN:
Drinking...

RAY:
Drinking?

The THIRD MAN gurgles his last.



CID, and SHAZ is setting up the white board.

SHAZ:
I've started up a directory of all the Victoria Ps in the city.

CHRIS:
Why d'you think they put Schwartz in their gobs?

RAY:
It's quartz. And how the bloody hell would I know? I'm not a geographist.

GENE bursts in, not in a good mood.

GENE:
You lot had better be working like Chinamen on a bloody railway. Ray. Our third man. What were those trousers? Tweed. Bit country-set for a gangster.

RAY:
Drawn a blank so far, Guv.

SHAZ:
D'you want a cuppa, Guv?

GENE:
No. But I'd like my officers to know when a person is dead before they tell me. And I'd like answers to a triple killing, Granger, you stupid plonk!

CHRIS:
All right, Guv. No need for that.

GENE:
Oh, what, you think because you stood up to me that you're Leon Spinks now, do you?

RAY:
What is it that's getting at you, Guv?

GENE:
I'll tell you what's getting to me! I've been too easy on you lot. Well, not any more. This place is mine! You lot belong to me. Not Drake. Not Keats. Me! Now somebody tell Drake to get her bony, pointless arse into my office ASA bloody P!

GENE goes into his office, slamming the door behind him. No, not happy.

SHAZ:
Those two should either get a room or kill each other.

CHRIS:
It's changed anyway. This whole place feels different and we all know it. I thought it's 'cos I switched to "Denim For Men", but it's something more.

RAY:
It's not been the same since Viv... since Viv went.

CHRIS:
I had a nightmare about Viv, as it happens. He was on his tod, all hunched up amongst all this fire and...

SHAZ:
Chris, stop it.

RAY:
I'm not interested, Chris.

CHRIS:
'K. But we all know something bloody weird's going on.

RAY:
Well, write to Arthur C Clarke's "Mysterious World".

GENE's angry voice floats from his office.

GENE:
Granger, seven sugars!



Keats' office. ALEX is looking at the photograph again.

ALEX:
Farringfield Green. It's just outside Bolton. I could be there in four hours.

JIM KEATS:
I'm ready to deliver my report on Hunt. I'll keep the photo. I should be in control of the information, Alex.

ALEX:
You know, I'm, um... I'm confused, Jim. I mean, can that really be Sam buried up there? Sam asked Gene to help him. He wanted to escape. And Gene helped him, without question.

JIM KEATS:
What? So Tyler's alive, is he? Maybe living in Grand Canary?

ALEX:
No. No, Sam's dead, I know that. But he hung on to life here for as long as possible. Except he was dead and I know that I'm not. Gene can't be the enemy.

JIM KEATS:
The man has a dark side. I mean, dear God, even Julie Andrews would struggle not to see that. What about Sam's girlfriend? DC Anne Cartwright? You know, my office can't trace her either. Maybe both of them are buried up ther...

ALEX:
No, but, why? Why would he?

ALEX is close to tears, and just to add to her woes JIM KEATS starts to comfort her. Does your flesh crawl, gentle viewer? Yeah, me too.

JIM KEATS:
Sshh. No, look, you and Sam... you're different. Y'know, you both challenged this world Gene's carefully built for himself. That makes you dangerous to him.

ALEX:
You're not D&C, are you? Who are you, Jim?

JIM KEATS:
Sshh. Look, you've done so much to help everybody else around you, Alex. Now you have to help yourself. And that means trusting me.



Gene's in his office, doing some more brooding through his office window when ALEX comes into CID. She indicates the white board, covered with mugshots.

ALEX:
What's this?

RAY:
Every known gang connected to the East End. The Hardymans put their snout in the wrong trough and we've got to find out whose.

GENE, alerted by ALEX's voice, comes out of his lair.

ALEX:
The third man, talked about Vicky P? Mentioned something about drinking as he was dying.

RAY:
Only thing that'll be on my mind when my time comes.

GENE:
Right, Shaz, cross-check. See if any of those Vicky Ps have got a pub licence.

CHRIS comes in, triumphantly holding up a file, which he hands to ALEX.

CHRIS:
Got an ID on him. His fingerprints were on Scotty Yard's priority list. Walter Tavish. Also known as Wally Travis, William McTarn, and Billy Timmers

GENE:
Bloody hell, he could do The Generation Game all on his own.

ALEX:
Walter Tavish. He's a fence. He specialises in antique furniture.

GENE:
Not exactly Antiques Roadshow material, are they? I mean, they're gangsters. They don't go around slicing each other up over a bloody Welsh dresser.

ALEX holds up one of the pieces of quartz in an evidence bag.

ALEX:
This is a message.

GENE:
What are you muttering through your lipstick, woman?

ALEX:
These pieces of quartz were placed in their mouths to make an ironic point.

GENE:
Well, you better get on the blower to the Ironic Crimes Division squad then, hadn't you?

GENE goes back in his office, ALEX following and shutting the door behind her. Row time.

ALEX:
Well, at least acknowledge that that's a lead, Guv.

GENE:
Oh, "Guv" again, is it? You made a fool of me last night.

ALEX:
I'm sorry. Um, it... it was jus... it was all too much.

GENE:
Too much? You know, when you first came here, you had it away with some yuppie twat. Your knickers headed south so fast they needed their own Railcard!

ALEX:
I didn't take this world seriously then. I do now.

GENE:
And me?

ALEX:
I take you very seriously, Gene.

GENE:
D'you know our problem, Bolls?

ALEX pulls a face and shakes her head.

GENE:
We've lost sight of who we are.



Station front desk, and Viv's replacement is trying to deal with an old tramp who's playing a penny whistle when RAY bursts through. He's delighted with the sawn-off shotgun in his hand and wants to share.

RAY:
Hey, check this out. Terry and Bammo nicked it from some scrote last week. Hah ha. Well tasty. Heh heh...

The Sergeant looks disapproving and RAY's laughter dies away.

RAY:
Yeah, so, you know, if you want to ring Firearms, let them know that we've still go it?



CID; CHRIS is working away when a police whistle sounds. He looks up anxiously.

CHRIS:
Did no-one hear that whistle?



Front desk, and RAY walks away from the Sergeant in disgust.

RAY:
God, I miss Viv.

Before RAY gets very far, the tramp is on his feet, and starts playing the "The British Grenadiers" on his whistle. RAY stops dead and gasps for breath, feeling his throat as though it's constricted. He turns and the tramp rips off a smart salute. RAY walks away, barely registering the uniform constable he knocks into as he heads back towards CID.

CONSTABLE:
Watch it.



RAY enters CID, apparently recovered.

RAY:
That new Skip creeps me out. Doesn't even get horny over a sawn-off, the weirdo.

GENE:
Chris, this phone number on Ginger's hand.

CHRIS:
The number doesn't exist, Guv.

GENE:
Did you copy it exactly?

CHRIS:
Yep. I took it from the forensic of this fella's hand.

CHRIS put a photograph of the hand on the desk. GENE points at it.

GENE:
This dried blood has made that 3 into an 8.

GENE points wordlessly at the telephone, and CHRIS hurries to dial. SHAZ, meanwhile, brings ALEX a map.

SHAZ:
Here's the OS map of Lancashire you asked for, ma'am.

ALEX:
Thanks, Shaz. Thank you.

ALEX conceals it in a file, but it's not gone unnoticed by GENE.

GENE:
DI Drake, my office.

ALEX:
Er, I'm just, um...

GENE:
Now.

ALEX sighs heavily and does as she is bidden. SHAZ watches her go, then turns to find a screwdriver on her chair. She swiftly flings it into the bin as if it might bite. In Gene's office, ALEX closes the door and we're off for round two.

GENE:
Why did Shaz bring you that map?

ALEX:
Because, erm, it's somewhere in the world I've always wanted to visit.

GENE:
It's just that your idea of heading north is a trip to Brent Cross. This is about bloody Tyler again.

ALEX:
It's nothing.

GENE:
Go. Just go home.

ALEX:
What?

GENE:
If a female officer is causing disconsternation amongst her male colleagues, it is the right of the senior officer to transfer her.

ALEX:
Disconsternation is not a word.

GENE:
You, a woman, are upsetting a predominantly male environment.

ALEX:
No, I'm upsetting you because I didn't sleep with you last night. D'you know, you are the most immature man I've ever met.

GENE:
D'you know, I bet I'm not.

ALEX:
Yes, you are.

GENE:
Not.

ALEX:
Oh, God. Give me strength.

GENE:
D'you know, I don't think I can be in the same room as you any more, Alex.

ALEX:
Why? 'Cos you're so angry you might do something?

GENE:
This is mine, all this. Keats is about to bring it down around me and you are trying to rip my guts out. Well, I'm not going to let either of you weaken me any more.

ALEX:
You know, I've wanted to believe the best in you for so long, and now... Now I just don't know what to think.

GENE:
D'you know, I'm going to level with you. S'funny, but, erm, yeah, I think I was trying to impress you. But after last night, well, you're just... you're just a hindrance.

ALEX leaves, taking care to slam the door behind her. She gets as far as the front desk before GENE catches her up.

GENE:
If Jim Keats comes to see you, you tell me. If you don't, I will consider it an act of war.

ALEX:
Did Sam commit an act of war?

GENE:
The last thing Sam told me was that he was gagging for a pint. I said get one in for me an' all. No threats. No shouting. No violence. Just two mates talking about the boozer.

GENE stalks away. After a moment, ALEX leaves.



ALEX gets in a Mk2 Vauxhall Cavalier, map on the dashboard, and starts the engine. Road trip.



CID and RAY is on the phone.

RAY:
That's the number but they're not picking up. Get your supervisor...

CHRIS:
Guv. There's no reports of any jewel blags in the city.

GENE:
What about the Croppers? The Bartholomew mob? Any of those dirty bastards?

CHRIS:
No, not a dicky bird. Most of the tasty gangs are in stir. But we've got our best snouts out on the street...

GENE:
Could be foreign. Get on to Euro-plod. Main switchboard's in Lions.

SHAZ:
Lyon.

GENE:
Yes, thank you, Mrs Alan Whicker. Let's get our garlic-munching friends to put their horse burgers down and put tabs on who's active.

RAY:
Guv. Rachel Miller, Flat B, number 47, Anton Close.

GENE:
Good, go pay her a visit. Take Shaz with you. You see, this is what I like to see, the machine working!

SHAZ:
Oh, Guv, DCI Keats says he's got something for you.

GENE:
Oh, joy. Lucky old me.



Keats' office, and he's just checking on the neatness of those video tapes of his in the filing cabinet.



CID.

RAY:
Right, I'm heading off to Rachel Miller's. Are you ready, Shaz?

SHAZ:
Oh, yeah.

CHRIS:
Oi. Fax through from Lyon. There's only one Euro-bastard fits their profile. Erik Hooty-hee? What's that? Swedish?

RAY:
Eric Hoorsten. Gem smuggling, Amsterdam. He's Hollandaise, you twonk.

SHAZ:
Dutch. You say Dutch.

CHRIS:
Known associates Wally Timms. That's an AKA for Tavish.



Keats' cozy office. He's just slipping a video cassette into the player as GENE comes in.

GENE:
The best porn's on VHS.

JIM KEATS:
Betamax. I'm a sucker for quality.

GENE:
Well, you want to get yourself into CID and watch my team working as a unit.

JIM KEATS:
You asked me for any old files from the Yard on gem smuggling. I got intel.

GENE:
Intel? There's posh. Tell you what, you get reconnoitre into a sentence, I might buy you a fish supper.

JIM KEATS:
Walter Tavish. Once handled gems out of Sierra Leone. Fed through London and on into Europe.

GENE:
What, so Tavish was fencing for a foreign gang? Then he switched his allegiance to the Hardymans, who wanted to muscle-in on the action, but they were killed for it. Well, I got myself a contact. Rachel Miller. Something tells me she's going to be key.

JIM KEATS:
That old Gene Hunt nous. That's what wound up Sam Tyler. Those grand hunches of yours.

JIM KEATS places a large box file on the desk in front of GENE.

GENE:
What's this? Your packed lunch?

JIM KEATS:
My report. On you. Fascinating reading.

JIM KEATS leaves. GENE looks down at the box, hesitates, then tips off the lid. Inside is a single black and white photograph. The one of the house at Farringfield Green. GENE picks it up, glances at the door, flips it over and reads "I think we've found our grave" on the back, flips it back again, looking at the house. The television comes on, audio first.

COMMENTATOR on TV:
...and here comes Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second...

GENE looks at the television. The picture flicks into life, showing footage of the Coronation in 1953.

COMMENTATOR on TV:
...by the grace of God, Queen of this realm and her other realms and territories.

The television flicks off again. GENE stares at it. Chin up, Gene; at least you didn't get Orville and Roland Rat.



CID. GENE bursts in, making straight for his office, heedless of everyone else.

RAY:
Guv, we've got a suspect. Guv, did you hear me?

GENE goes to the drawer of his shelving unit and pulls out his gun.

RAY:
We think the Hardymans were killed by a Dutch outfit.

GENE grabs his coat and leaves, all without a word.

RAY:
Am I invisible or something?

SHAZ:
He's had another tiff with the ma'am.

RAY:
What, and their little moods dictate the way we do our jobs? Well, sod 'em both. This is my investigation from now on.

JIM KEATS comes in, breezing past RAY on the way out.

RAY:
Little bit busy at the minute, sir.

JIM KEATS:
Perhaps you could take a look at these, when you get a moment.

JIM KEATS puts the video cassettes labeled for Ray, Chris and Shaz on Ray's desk.

CHRIS:
They're not health & safety, are they?

JIM KEATS:
Well, they concern those things. Trust me, they're in your best interests.

JIM KEATS leaves. RAY frowns at the tapes for a moment, then he and SHAZ leave for Rachel Miller's.



GENE, meanwhile, gets into the Quattro, gun in its holster on the passenger seat. Road trip.



Rachel Miller's flat, and RAY breaks down the door. The place has evidently been turned over. SHAZ heads upstairs.

SHAZ:
Rachel?

The body of, presumably, Rachel Miller, lies on the bed, throat cut.

SHAZ:
Ray!



Scene of crime bods are all over Rachel Miller's place, taking photographs and so forth. RAY's going through a rubbish bag.

RAY:
They were looking for something in the bins.

SHAZ comes in with a clean air hostess uniform, fresh from the dry cleaners by the look of it.

SHAZ:
Rachel Miller was an air hostess with NetherFly Air. Whistle-stops from the London East Aerodrome to Holland.

CHRIS:
According to her works diary, she was due to fly out at 12 noon tomorrow. And she's written in the top corner here "48 3B"

MUSIC: 'In The Air Tonight' by Phil Collins

RAY:
Hang on. She's written the same thing on her kitchen calendar. Look, "48 3B". She's circled it three times. Think it's a flight number?

CHRIS:
No. No, it doesn't match.

SHAZ:
It's horrible. All that's left of this poor girl.

SHAZ turns to leave, but the trailing air hostess uniform in her hands knocks over a piggy bank on the table with a clatter.

CHRIS:
Oh, Shaz.

SHAZ:
Oh.

CHRIS reaches down and picks up the rolls of bank notes that have been revealed.

CHRIS:
Chuffing hell! They're all fifties.

RAY:
Works for a Dutch airline? Knows Tavish and she's wadded up? She's the courier.

CHRIS:
So, if she's the courier but she doesn't have the gems...

RAY:
Tavish managed to hide them before Hoorsten got to him. So where are they now?

CHRIS:
Well, what about this other girl? The one Tavish mentioned before he died? Vicky P? Maybe she knows?



ALEX in the Cavalier makes her way north. We know this because the camera helpfully tracks up a road map in a northerly direction and comes to rest just northeast of Bolton at Farringfield Green.

# I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord #

ALEX arrives at the house in the photograph and gets out to walk towards it. It's deserted and derelict, but the weather vane in surprisingly good nick on one gable end. There's the sound of crows in the trees in the distance.

# And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, oh Lord #

ALEX has a flashback to the news report on the finding of the body.

MATTHEW AMROLIWALA on TV
Police in... body... shallow grave on... police officer...

ALEX is left with nothing but the sound of the local bird life (yes, crows) and a gathering storm (what timing). She looks up to the hillside where a scarecrow stands in the exact spot where the grave was covered by a tent in the news report. She climbs the hill towards it. ALEX looks at the scarecrow, never less than slightly spooky anyway, and sees the flash of the epaulette number 6620 pin on its right shoulder.

Back at the farmhouse, the Quattro pulls up even as thunder rolls in the distance. Yep, no cliché was left unused... GENE looks apprehensively at the house. He gets out, checks his gun and tucks it in his belt, looking around him.

At the scarecrow, ALEX carefully removes the 6620 pin and wipes the grime off it. She flashes back to the moment in episode three when she joined the stars on her pad to make the number, while GHOSTLY COPPER stood there in CID. There's a louder crack of thunder and she turns round to see GENE standing there.

ALEX:
Someone must have found it... pinned it on. There's a body buried here, Gene. It was on the news in my hospital room. Please tell me it's not Sam.



CID, and RAY is being In Control, issuing orders to TERRY. SHAZ goes past to organise things in the pigeonholes.

RAY:
Right, we can't let this one go cold on us, so chase all your snouts. I want to hear every whisper on Hoorsten. Anything on any grapevine, anywhere. All right?

TERRY:
OK, Ray.

SHAZ irritably snatches a copy of "Razzle" magazine out of one pigeonhole.

SHAZ:
Chris, I've told you before. I don't want to see a lady baring both her bottoms whilst I'm working.

RAY hesitantly picks up the video cassette labeled for him from the pile.

CHRIS:
I'll move them later, Shaz. Turn them face down and you won't see any bottoms.

SHAZ has now found a London A-Z and has A Thought. Meanwhile RAY slaps the video cassette back down on the pile again.

SHAZ:
48 3B...

SHAZ opens the A-Z at page 48 and runs her finger across the page.

SHAZ:
48, Hackney... 3B, Victoria Park.

CHRIS:
Yeah, locals call it Vicky Park.

RAY looks up. They all exchange glances.

CHRIS and SHAZ in unison:
Vicky P.



Back in Lancashire, ALEX has managed to get hold of a spade and is demonstrating that she's not just a determined pair of stockings, but also a determined pair of welly boots, as she goes digging up the body she believes lies below. GENE looks discomfited by this, and as thunder rolls again, he draws his gun and aims it at her.

GENE:
Stop.

ALEX carries on, not even turning round.

GENE:
I said stop.

ALEX:
No!

ALEX throws aside the spade and starts to uncover what she's found with her hands. GENE looks... shocked. ALEX brushes away the mud from a partially revealed skull, a large hole where the left side of it should be. She stops, and turns to GENE.

ALEX:
It's him.

GENE is in a total state of shock now. His gun still aimed towards her, but more out of habit than intent.

ALEX:
Keats was right about you, Gene, all this time. And I believed in you. More than that.

ALEX is close to tears. GENE blinks once, like he's having trouble believing anything. ALEX turns back to the body and pulls back a flap of fabric. She draws out a warrant card, wipes it off and opens it. It's not the answer she thought it was. ALEX turns to GENE and gets up to go towards him; he just stares at the grave, a look of horrified but gradually dawning comprehension. She hands him the warrant card, and he finally lowers his gun, taking the warrant card and staring at it. Reading it to himself. He turns round like he's lost, then re-holsters his gun and walks back down the hill.



The farmhouse. The windows are badly boarded up and light streams through the gaps. Patriotic bunting is draped about. GENE's staring at that now, the warrant card still open in his hand, as ALEX comes in. He looks at the card. On it is a picture of a proud PC #6620 of Greater Lancaster police. Constable Gene Hunt.

GENE:
Skinny. Yeah, he was, um... He was a skinny lad, needed fattening up.

GENE tosses the warrant card down on the table and moves further into the room.

GENE:
It was Morrison said that. His mentor. PC Morrison.

GENE looks round at the bunting and sounds of celebration echo from the past. He seems to be remembering it even as he tells the story.

GENE:
Yeah, it was Coronation Day. That was a funny one. His first week on the beat. But he had Morrison to guide him. That was until somebody gave the old fella a nip of whisky, and before you know it he's hokey cokeying with the locals. Young bobby's suddenly on his own. Someone broke in here. He heard 'em. Thought they were kids. So he kicks the door open, you know, like John Wayne or Jimmy Stewart. Bam! In he goes... You see in here... (he starts tapping his temple) In here he's not some snotty kid in a uniform. Oh, no. He's Gary Cooper in High Noon. He's the law. Only they weren't kids.

ALEX:
It was a man with a shotgun.

An echoing gunshot.

GENE:
Didn't deserve a shallow grave, did he? Did he, Alex?

ALEX:
No. No, you didn't.

There's a pause while we all take this in.

ALEX:
Why didn't you tell me? All your... swagger and your bullshit. And in reality...

GENE:
I forgot everything. You know what? I wish I still had.

JIM KEATS' voice:
Oh, that is beautiful. Corny, but, er, very atmospheric.

JIM KEATS appears out of a dark corner, accompanied by something of a screeching noise. And it wasn't just me screaming 'No', honest.

JIM KEATS:
So, there we are. This boy in a man's uniform. Head swimming with machismo and bravado and... something else ending in O. Oh, I can't think of another one. BANG! It's over.

JIM KEATS mimes blowing over a smoking gun barrel.

JIM KEATS:
And you're here.

ALEX:
What is "here"? Tell me.

JIM KEATS:
Gene? Is it, um... is it coming back to you? Can you help the lady out? Hah hah hah hah.

JIM KEATS chuckles. GENE is still getting to grips with the truth, and arguably failing.

GENE:
It's, er... somewhere where we go to sort ourselves... Coppers.

ALEX:
But... but you're talking about people who are... People who...

GENE nods.

JIM KEATS:
But you got to admit, when you know the truth about him, it explains a lot. Ego. An immature relationship with alcohol. A curious uncertainty about the opposite sex? (to GENE) Gradually they came to you. Those who had issues with their passing. And you tucked in their shirts and you wiped their noses. Heh? Sorting out the troubled souls of Her Majesty's Constabulary. Ray. Chris. Shaz. Oh, they've been here a long time, haven't they, eh? A lot of issues.

GENE is a broken man, staring into the middle distance. He makes an effort to rally.

GENE:
You touch them, I will snap your neck like a twig.

JIM KEATS:
Oh, perfect. A little bit of boyish defiance left in you. Magic. (to ALEX) This man has had them... has had them imprisoned in his fantasy. And I've watched you help them lay their demons to rest, Alex. Just the one thing they don't know is that, unlike you, they're compromised.

GENE:
Alex...

ALEX:
Sam... Sam came back here after he threw himself off that building, but he knew that it couldn't last. Did you help them both on their way, Gene? Did you? Sam and Annie?

GENE:
All I knew, Sam had to go. End of.

ALEX:
You helped Sam. Do I mean nothing to you, Gene? I only wanted to get back to my little girl. That's all.

JIM KEATS:
He doesn't want you home. He wants you here, with him.

A look of guilt crosses GENE's face .

ALEX:
No, I've fought so hard.

ALEX turns to JIM KEATS, who offers comfort. Shudder.

JIM KEATS:
Oh, you have, yeah. Sshh. You've been amazing. Listen, you have done all you can to get home. There's just one last thing to accomplish, Alex. Yeah? Help me explain the truth to Ray, Chris and Shaz.

ALEX nods.

ALEX:
I'm doing this for Molly. Because she can't be without me.

JIM KEATS:
You placed your trust in the wrong person, is all. Hunt will try and twist you around his finger one last time. I promise you, before this is over, he will try and trick you. And when that moment comes, you will... know.

GENE looks so devastated by everything, I doubt he could trick his way out of a wet paper bag with the help of Paul Daniels and the entire Magic Circle.



The impressive, and inevitably over-blown, Victorian drinking fountain in Victoria Park. What's the time on the clock there - 9:06? CHRIS and SHAZ are searching for the gems.

CHRIS into radio:
We're at Vicky Park, Ray. There's a drinking fountain.

RAY over the radio:
Yeah, that must be the jackpot. He said "Vicky P" and "drinking".

CHRIS checks around one of the cherubs decorating the drinking fountain and finds a small package. He opens it up and pours out uncut diamonds into his open hand.

CHRIS and SHAZ in unison:
Bloody hell.



Quattro, on the road back to London. JIM KEATS is driving. Eeek. GENE is in the passenger seat, knocking back the contents of his hipflask, and ALEX is in the back. The radio is blaring and KEATS is very happy.

MUSIC: 'Club Tropicana' by Wham!

# Let me take you to the place
# Where membership's a smiling face #

JIM KEATS:
Oh, what a song!

And they say the devil has all the best tunes. Apparently not...

# Brush shoulders with the stars #

JIM KEATS:
I LOVE this car! Hah hah!

ALEX:
The others need to know the truth, Gene. They deserve the truth.

GENE:
Does it matter now?

ALEX:
Of course it matters. Because then I've accomplished what I was sent here to do.

JIM KEATS:
I think we should listen to this, over and over again. All the way home.

# Fun and sunshine - there's enough for everyone #



CID. CHRIS finishes a telephone call and hangs up.

CHRIS:
Thank you, sir. Word is out. Hoorsten thinks the gems are being delivered to the airport by the remains of the Hardyman gang.

SHAZ:
They must be bricking it. Doing everything they can to make him happy.

CHRIS:
Hoorsten takes possession and we swing in like Tarzan. Like lots of Tarzans. In cars.

RAY is again gazing at the video tape with his name on it.

CHRIS:
Shaz, you up for this?

SHAZ:
Yeah. Absolutely. If we want to nail them proper, we've got to get them taking possession.

CHRIS:
It's a blinder, man. Well done, Ray. Ray!

RAY looks up and pulls himself together.

RAY:
Yeah. Who needs the Guv, eh?

RAY suddenly makes a decision, and walks out, taking the video with him.



Keats' office, and RAY is staring at the video playing on the television.

MUSIC: 'The British Grenadiers'

The television shows RAY slumped on a sofa, a mess. He's drinking straight from the bottle, trying not to cry. The television disappears and we're in the room with him; a seedy one-room bedsit. He's watching some classic British pageantary, massed bands of the Guards and so forth. He looks at his warrant guard and throws it into the bin. It says Detective Constable. RAY starts to cry, then twists the tie in his hands. A regimental tie. He stands on a chair and slips a noose over his head, the tie twisted round the rope.

RAY:
I'm sorry, dad.

RAY in Keats' office half turns his head away as the RAY on TV slumps forward and off the chair. The picture cuts off and the television screen goes blank. RAY takes a deep breath.



In CID, CHRIS is mucking about with sunglasses and the sawn-off shotgun, humming the theme from The Professionals. SHAZ giggles.

CHRIS:
Very Lewis Collins, don't you think?

SHAZ:
More like Joan Collins.

CHRIS:
Yeah, very good. I knew you had a sense of humour somewhere.

SHAZ:
Well, I was going to marry you, so I must have.

CHRIS:
Still holding out for the real Lewis Collins, are you?

SHAZ:
No. Who are you holding out for?

RAY comes back into CID and picks up CHRIS' video.

CHRIS:
Ray, what resources do you need for the raid?

RAY:
You need to see it.

RAY is clearly shaken. CHRIS looks his puzzlement, but takes the tape.



Keats' office, and CHRIS slips his tape into the machine and sits down to watch. A gunshot rings out from the television. More gunshots and on the screen an armed uniformed SERGEANT ducks for cover and yells across to a uniformed constable, also armed, on the opposite side of the road.

SERGEANT:
Skelton!

CHRIS on TV:
We need back-up, sir! Why don't we wait?

SERGEANT:
Don't ask stupid questions. Just do as you're told! Follow me!

The SERGEANT blows on his police whistle and comes out shooting. CHRIS hesitates and then steps out from the corner. He's immediately hit in the shoulder. In Keats' office CHRIS gasps, it all coming back to him. CHRIS is hit in the chest a further five times in quick succession and falls to the ground, dead.



CID. CHRIS comes in, numb. He picks up SHAZ's video cassette and starts to take it away. RAY stops him.

RAY:
She has to see it.

CHRIS:
NO!

SHAZ:
What's going on? Give me that.

CHRIS:
Shazzer, I'm begging you...

SHAZ:
Gi...

CHRIS:
...please...

SHAZ:
Give it to me!

CHRIS:
...don't.

SHAZ snatches the tape from CHRIS and goes to Keats' office.



On the television, a young man is trying the door of a car, evidently trying to break in. With the aid of a screwdriver.

MUSIC: 'Wonderwall' by Oasis

On the television, SHAZ, a uniformed constable, sees what's going on, and hurries forward to stop him, breaking into a run.

# There are many things that I would
# Like to say to you #

SHAZ on TV:
Stop right there! Drop it!

SHAZ on TV catches the man, who elbows her in the stomach. He follows up by stabbing her with the screwdriver. He runs away, leaving SHAZ collapsing against the wall, staring at the screwdriver and the blood.

# Because maybe #

SHAZ:
No.

# You're going to be the one that saves me #

SHAZ:
NO!

SHAZ screams, horrified, as CHRIS bursts into the room.

SHAZ:
All this time! I felt so angry, so frustrated.

CHRIS:
I know, Shaz.

SHAZ:
I thought it was the job!

SHAZ looks again at herself dying on the televison. CHRIS tries to comfort her.

SHAZ:
And it isn't fair! Get off me! Leave me alone, Chris!

# Today was gonna be the day
# But they'll never throw it back to you #

SHAZ screams at the wall, even as SHAZ on TV slumps to the ground.

SHAZ:
I haven't even had a life!



CID. SHAZ comes in, CHRIS waiting for her by her desk. RAY looks up from where he's slumped in his chair. CHRIS puts his arm around SHAZ, and RAY gets up and joins them.

Flashbacks to SHAZ's, CHRIS' and RAY's spooky 'Life On Mars' moments. NELSON laughing.

# Is there life on Mars? #



JIM KEATS leads the way to CID, ALEX and GENE following. The latter seems to have been left pretty much uncaring about anything. JIM KEATS pauses at the door to CID and turns to GENE.

JIM KEATS:
Right, before we go in, just one little thing.

JIM KEATS headbutts GENE and follows up with a punch to the stomach.

ALEX:
No!

JIM KEATS punches GENE in the face and then pushes him through the doors into CID and on to the floor, where he's left, on his hands and knees. RAY, CHRIS and SHAZ get to their feet in shock.

JIM KEATS:
All up to speed on health & safety? Good! So now you know you've all been denied the truth, by HIM!

JIM KEATS kicks GENE in the stomach and he collapses on his back, a young man back in uniform, blood dripping from his nose.

JIM KEATS:
A skinny little kid! Look at him.

GENE groans, back to his usual self, but blood still dripping from his nose and in no state to fight back.

JIM KEATS:
Look at your "Guv".

None of them can really bear to. JIM KEATS isn't really interested anyway, and screaming, starts to trash the place. Tipping over desks, sweeping things off every surface, yelling in exaultation. They can't help but look at that, in understandable horror.


JIM KEATS:
Yeah! YEAH! Come on! Come on! Yes!

He pauses for a bit of maniacal laughter before throwing a chair across the room.

JIM KEATS:
Yeah! Come on! You want to know the truth?! Yes! All right?!

He holds a typewriter above his head, ready to throw it to the floor. There's a roar and he smashes it to the ground, yelling. The ceiling disappears and there's nothing but the starry night sky. ALEX, RAY, CHRIS and SHAZ just stare, it all being a bit much to take in. JIM KEATS leaps onto a desk and punches the air.

JIM KEATS:
WHOOHOO! Isn't it beautiful?

He laughs again. GENE, meanwhile, is struggling to at least sit up.

JIM KEATS:
Whoohoo! Whooooo!

JIM KEATS jumps down from the desk and looks at their stunned faces.

JIM KEATS:
Oh, come on. You didn't think this was like a real police station, did you? What? You think that they actually work like this? It's his game! HE LIED TO YOU!

ALEX:
He didn't lie.

The ceiling returns to CID and the lights come back on. There's symbolism for you.

ALEX:
He didn't lie. He'd just forgotten.

RAY:
We just wanted to make him proud.

ALEX:
Don't you make him into a liar, Jim.

CHRIS:
The Guv says jump and you ask how high. I have done that before. I have followed a man who told me to jump, and I jumped into a bullet. I... I can't think. I can't think.

ALEX:
This, this isn't helping anybody. D'you know, this is just... this is just sick gloating.

SHAZ:
It's not fair. I'm 26 years old. I want to see my mum. Chris, I need to see my mum.

SHAZ starts to sob, and CHRIS puts his arm round her.

CHRIS:
Shaz.

JIM KEATS:
You can all still have that life. You're living one now, aren't you?

ALEX:
No. No, they're... they're not... they're...

JIM KEATS:
You breathe. You laugh. You love. Oh, trust me, this is living. All the life you need.

ALEX:
No.

JIM KEATS:
But I'm offering you life on your terms. Your dreams, your way. I have a whole new department waiting for you. We can transfer you there, right now.

ALEX looks at GENE. He manages to haul himself sitting upright against a filing cabinet, but his head is bowed.

JIM KEATS:
Where you will all get what you deserve.

CHRIS:
What, Scotland Yard?

SHAZ:
There is no Scotland Yard, Chris.

JIM KEATS:
The important thing is that you're happy and fulfilled. He oppresses you. I won't be on your backs. Bullying.

ALEX whispers desperately to GENE.

ALEX:
Get up.

JIM KEATS:
Belittling. And every night the drinks are on me. Ray?

ALEX:
Get up.

JIM KEATS:
You've still got something to give, haven't you? You want to forget all that pain. Your dad, the disappointment of a failed son.

CHRIS:
Ray, what d'you want to do?

GENE gasps for breath owing to his bloodied nose. RAY hesitates.

ALEX:
You can't... you can't just go. Not like this.

CHRIS:
Why not? What is there here, boss? Um, ma'am.

RAY picks up his jacket and the sawn-off shotgun.

CHRIS:
I mean, look at it. Look at it, Alex! Shazzer, come on.

CHRIS takes SHAZ's hand to lead her out of CID. ALEX is in tears.

ALEX:
No. Not after everything.

RAY:
D'you know why I put that rope around my neck? After bottling the army I just... I just fell into being a copper. I took it out on a young lad. He was only pissing up at the side of a pub. But I ended up killing him. And my DCI, (he points the shotgun at GENE) who's not a million miles away from him... covered it up.

RAY moves to the door where CHRIS and SHAZ are waiting.

ALEX:
I'm not leaving him. Not like this.

CHRIS opens the door and they leave. JIM KEATS hesitates at the door, ever a one for a parting word.

JIM KEATS:
He's done.

JIM KEATS opens the door in invitation.

JIM KEATS:
Alex?

ALEX:
You go to hell.

JIM KEATS:
All right.

JIM KEATS leaves. ALEX crouches down by GENE, who rolls his head round and looks at her, a sorry sight.



A bustling stairwell, and JIM KEATS is leading RAY, CHRIS and SHAZ downstairs. On their way upstairs are a sharp-suited 80s type and two very 80s women, all looking far too glamorous to be police officers. JIM KEATS gives passing introductions as they go; RAY gets an eyefull.

MUSIC: 'Holiday' by Madonna

JIM KEATS:
DS Cleaves, DCs Janis and Michaels. Or Robbie, Kate and Abbie, if you prefer. Cheers, Rob.

DS CLEAVES:
Sir.

JIM KEATS:
Looking good.

JIM KEATS takes possession of a mobile phone, complete with breifcase-sized battery. At this point you should be fairly sure he really is the devil, because virtually nobody could get a call on one of those things unless they were standing right next to the other caller, and then made it brief enough to fit into the 10 second window of battery life.

JIM KEATS into the phone:
Hi, it's me. Me. Transferring three officers from Fenchurch East CID on secondment to my department.

RAY:
Which one's the blonde?

JIM KEATS:
Abbie. You'll get to know them in the clubhouse. Friday nights are cocktail nights. Abbie gets off her face. Dancing on the tables, all sorts.

RAY:
Lovely. Hah hah hah.

JIM KEATS into the phone:
Yeah, I'm here. Well, no worries, Dave. I'm hoping they'll be here for a while, so let's, er, shuffle the paperwork through on it, yeah? I want them on serious crime. They can handle it. Cheers, ears. See you for a pint later, mate.

JIM KEATS hangs up and holds the door open; RAY and CHRIS go through without a pause, but SHAZ looks unsure before following them.



CID. It's a mess of scattered papers and over-turned furniture. ALEX has propped herself with her back against her over-turned desk, sitting on the floor opposite GENE. He's dabbing at his bleeding nose with a hankie.

ALEX:
You know, when I first came here, I can't tell you how scared I was. Spent half my life studying psychosis and there I was. Thought I was as mad as a bag of bees.

GENE:
But you looked good though.

ALEX:
I was dressed as a prostitute.

GENE:
My point.

ALEX:
And there was this car...

Flashback to GENE's arrival in the Quattro in episode one, series one.

ALEX:
And those boots.

Flashback to GENE stepping out of the Quattro, the camera focusing on his boots. ALEX gives a little smile.

ALEX:
And you.

Flashback of GENE taking off his sunglasses, framed in best Bond style by ALEX's legs. Damn, I'm getting all nostalgic here.

ALEX:
Gene Hunt.

GENE:
My real name is Nigel Perkins. No, I'm joking. It's Gene Hunt.

ALEX:
You know, you're the most difficult, stubborn, obnoxious, misogynistic and reckless human being I've ever met.

GENE:
Come on. Surely you've missed one out?

ALEX:
And yet somehow, you make us all feel safe.

GENE:
It's over, Bolly. It's no use trying to cheer me up.

ALEX:
Just tell me. What happened to Sam? You said the last thing he did was go to the pub. Why?

GENE:
You don't need to put the word "why" after the word "pub".

ALEX:
Why?

GENE:
Because that's what you do after a job.

ALEX:
You foil a blag, you go to the boozer. But is that how it's meant to end, Gene?

He can't or won't answer. ALEX glances over at the white board and gets up for a closer look.

ALEX:
According to this, Ray's planned a raid. London East Aerodrome. Eric Hoorsten.

ALEX flicks through the papers on RAY's desk.

ALEX:
They're planning to put Shaz in undercover. Arrest them in the act of receiving the gems. That's very ambitious. Well done, Ray.

GENE:
Why do you even care?

ALEX:
Because we're coppers. That's what we do. But if you've got any better ideas?

GENE:
Yes. And it involves 18 pints, a dozen whisky chasers and a barmaid with honkers like a pair of Wehrmacht Zeppelins.

ALEX:
Oh, Guv!

GENE:
Don't call me that.

ALEX decides to try a little psychiatry. Er, psychology.

ALEX:
The flight's at 12. High noon.

GENE barely twitches. ALEX sighs in exasperation and advances on the whiteboard, apparently addressing the air as she looks at a map of the aerodrome.

ALEX:
Back-up. Put Terry, on the perimeter fence...

GENE:
Terry? Any idea how bad his eyesight is? They call him Mr Magoo behind his back.

ALEX:
All right, Bammo.

GENE:
Why don't you draw them into the cargo hanger?

ALEX:
Cargo hanger.

GENE:
Put Bammo and Cotsey on perimeter. You keep them well out of it till things start getting a bit tasty. Keep the pandas well out of it. They can stay up on the apron road, which...

ALEX looks over her shoulder at him, apparently out of her depth.

GENE:
Oh, give over, woman.

GENE struggles to his feet and goes over to the map of the aerodrome on the whiteboard.

GENE:
Here, just west of the runway. This line of trees, well, you won't see them from there. Useless bunch of woodentops. Why are we doing this, Bolly? I've lost my bloody team.

ALEX:
No, they'll come. Chris took a radio. They don't want to lose you, Guv.



In the office building with JIM KEATS, RAY comes to a halt by a locked door. JIM KEATS comes forward, punches in the code and takes a small moment before opening the door. It's the lift lobby. As RAY, CHRIS and SHAZ file in, CHRIS' radio crackles into life.

ALEX over the radio:
DC Skelton, can you hear me? Please respond.

CHRIS into the radio:
This may not be appropriate, ma'am.

JIM KEATS:
Just throw it away, Chris.

RAY:
Yeah, just ditch it, Chris.

CHRIS puts the radio back in his pocket.



Back in CID.

ALEX into the radio:
Stand by, DC Skelton.

ALEX offers the radio to GENE.

GENE:
No, I can't.

ALEX:
You can.

GENE:
I can't.



By the lifts, JIM KEATS pushes the call button, which glows red. The lift starts on its way up. Hell of a basement. And when I say 'hell of a'... SHAZ is looking very doubtful indeed.

JIM KEATS:
This is your new life now.

JIM KEATS holds out his hand to CHRIS for the radio.

JIM KEATS:
Come on, embrace it.

RAY:
Chris.

GENE over the radio:
I've had a look at your investigation. It's bloody impressive. You're just missing one crucial element. Me.

CHRIS allows a small smile. JIM KEATS turns away in frustration.

GENE over the radio:
Granger.



CID.

GENE into the radio:
I'm promoting you to DC, effective immediately. Which is my way of saying get your stocking tops back here pronto tonto. We need that jewel switch.



Lift lobby.

GENE over the radio:
Otherwise a decent brief's going to have them Dutch boys clog-dancing their way out of court.

JIM KEATS is getting increasingly agitated.



CID. GENE releases the send button. ALEX gives him a smile of encouragement.

GENE into the radio:
Christopher, Raymondo.



RAY and CHRIS exchange shifty glances as GENE speaks. Meanwhile the lift keeps coming.

GENE over the radio:
What is a sheriff without his finest deputies? I'll tell you what he is. He's nothing. I don't like being nothing. It's not attractive.



CID.

GENE into the radio:
I need you, lads.



JIM KEATS looms over CHRIS.

JIM KEATS:
Throw that man away.



CID.

GENE into the radio:
And when it's all over... we'll go to the pub. The boozer. Our boozer.



CHRIS looks at RAY, but he's still not sure.

CHRIS:
Ray.

JIM KEATS:
DI Carling.

SHAZ:
Ray, without full back-up the Guv'll be exposed.

The lift pings its arrival, in the basement. So that'll be down to a, um, really sub-basement then... The doors open.

LIFT ANNOUNCEMENT:
Lift going down.

JIM KEATS:
Get in!

There are echoing screams up the lift shaft. Could be a bring your own bread, open fire 'n' toasting fork affair, I think. SHAZ gasps.

SHAZ:
What was that?

JIM KEATS:
Nothing. Just... let's go!

GENE over the radio:
I know you won't let me down. You never have.



CID.

GENE into the radio:
Well, maybe once or twice, but, er... mostly not. See you in the field.

GENE tosses the radio on to the desk. He's done his best anyway.



But back to tempting the souls, and JIM KEATS is getting a bit sweaty and desperate. It's not a good look.

JIM KEATS:
Chris, Hunt doesn't care about you. Soon as you're back, he'll be treating you like shit. Look what I'm offering you.

CHRIS:
Ray, what you thinking, mate?

SHAZ makes a grab for CHRIS' hand.

SHAZ:
Chris, I'm not sure about this.

JIM KEATS:
Be smart. Come on.

RAY still hesitates.



CID back to its normal bustling self, ALEX comes into Gene's office and shuts the door. He brooding, so she perches on the desk to deliver a little pep talk.

ALEX:
You're Gene Hunt. You're their Guv. That's what I'm here for... if nothing else.

GENE:
Thank you.

GENE and ALEX step out of his office to address the rest of CID, who are arming up, just as SHAZ arrives, dressed as a NetherFly Air hostess.

SHAZ:
They'll be expecting a courier, Guv.

GENE:
DI Carling? DC Skelton?

SHAZ:
I'm sorry, Guv.

ALEX:
Are you all right, Shaz?

SHAZ:
About wearing a dead woman's clothes? Seems appropriate, ma'am.

GENE addresses the troops.

GENE:
Morning.

CID BOYS:
Morning, Guv.

GENE:
All right, they're from Holland and they're nasty. Apprehend with rampant prejudice. You seen the map?

CID BOYS:
Yes, Guv.

GENE:
Know your positions?

CID BOYS:
Yes, Guv.

GENE:
Are you armed bastards?

CID BOYS:
Yes, Guv!

MUSIC: 'Beat It' by Michael Jackson

GENE:
Right, gentlemen. Saddle up.



East London Aerodrome, and the, erm, undercover sting is being heralded by the Quattro leading a phalanx of CID and squad cars (blue lights flashing) down the runway. Er, yes. Moving on... GENE and ALEX lurk behind some industrial bins near the entrance to, presumably, the cargo hanger. They watch through a gap between the bins as a Mercedes draws up.

GENE into the radio:
van Hoorsten's just arrived. All units sit tight.

In the office in the hanger, SHAZ waits in her air hostess outfit.

SHAZ over the radio:
Standing by.

GENE:
It's nearly 12. I could have done with Ray and Chris here.

ALEX:
They'll show.

GENE:
No, they won't. We lost them to Keats, Bolly. It's not going to happen.

The occupants of the Merc head towards the hanger.

ALEX into the radio:
All units stand by. Get ready for take-down.

SHAZ picks up the briefcase for the handover and steps confidently out into the hanger. Well, I mean, what could happen? She dies?

SHAZ:
Good day, gentlemen.

HOORSTEN:
Hello, angel. You have something for me?

SHAZ hands over the briefcase with a smile. HOORSTEN opens it and nods in satisfaction when he sees the gems.

HOORSTEN:
Heel mooi. I heard my friends in London would return these to me. The Hardyman boys.

SHAZ:
Perhaps now, gentlemen, if you'd care to embark.

HOORSTEN:
After you, schweetness.

SHAZ:
Of course. I'll just get my flight bag.

SHAZ turns to go back in the hanger, but is grabbed by HOORSTEN who evidently smells a rat.

HOORSTEN:
Nee, nee, nee. Who the hell are you?

The Quattro sweeps into view.

SHAZ:
Get off! Get off me!

HOORSTEN pushes SHAZ away and bids to make a dash for it. GENE gets out of the Quattro and aims his gun.

GENE:
Right!

SHAZ takes the opportunity of everyone being distracted to kick one of HOORSTEN's henchmen where it hurts, and he goes down.

GENE:
Droppen ze shooters. Ich bin bloody nicked!

SHAZ puts the felled henchman's arms behind him, grabs his pistol and jabs him with it.

SHAZ:
Don't move.

MUSIC: 'Chariots of Fire' by Vangelis

HOORSTEN:
Maak ze af die smerissen.

HOORSTEN speaks to his remaining henchmen and suddenly aims his gun and fires. The henchmen join in with sub-machine guns. GENE and ALEX, who's turned up next to him at some point, duck. Why in 24 episodes did Gene never make a "Drake? Duck" joke? Why?

ALEX:
Oh!

GENE:
Jesus!

Bullets fly towards the Quattro while GENE and ALEX huddle behind it for protection. The Quattro can't huddle. As a result the Quattro has to take it like a man. Well, like a car. Viz: Get shot all to hell. That's what comes of letting Keats drive you instead of breaking down halfway between Lancashire and London in a show of loyalty to the Guv, chum. Anyway, the poor Quattro collapses on its shattered suspension, while the Evil Mercedes wheels away. Not even with the decency to do so in slow motion, despite the music. GENE and even ALEX (*gasp*) fire after it in a hopeful way. But a silver Datsun Cherry pops up out of nowhere and ploughs into the side of the Merc, stopping it dead. When they destroy ancient motor vehicles, they do believe in the works - with a Cherry on top... RAY and CHRIS get out of the car, which may be JIM KEATS', CHRIS merely aiming his gun, but RAY discharging the two barrels of his sawn-off that he's still carrying. Henchmen dispatched, HOORSTEN all ready to be arrested, GENE and ALEX have time to look at the shattered wreck of the Quattro.

GENE:
He's killed the Quattro. He's bloody killed my Quattro. Oi! I'm arresting you for murdering my car, you dyke-digging tosspot!

HOORSTEN goes to aim the gun he still inexplicably has in his hand, but GENE fires first, and again to make sure. HOORSTEN slumps to the ground, dead. And so must end all Quattro killers. GENE and ALEX approach RAY and CHRIS.

ALEX:
That's a take-down. Job done.

RAY:
So what now then, Guv?

GENE:
Pub.

CHRIS:
Pub.

SHAZ:
Pub.

RAY:
Pub.

ALEX:
Pub.

GENE turns back to the Quattro, presumably forgetting already. Terrible memory the man has.

GENE:
Oh, bugger.



A typical public house on the corner of an average London street. Light glows from its windows and the sound of laughter and cheerful conversation can be heard within. Not that typical then. Over the door is a lantern and a sign saying "Welcome". Its name is The Railway Arms. GENE and Co approach on foot, stopping still some yards from it.

RAY:
But this isn't...

CHRIS smiles. A figure opens the door and steps out into the street. It's NELSON. The barman, not the admiral. I'm sure I hear the strains of Kajagoogoo's 'Too Shy', which certainly casts doubt in my mind on the desirability of said hostelry... However.

NELSON:
Nice to see you again, mon brave.

GENE:
Beer still the same, Nelson?

NELSON:
Heh. Of course it is.

GENE:
Never mind.

RAY:
I mean, it can't be. It's...

GENE:
Ray, stop acting the drippy Alice and get a round in, and get one in for me an' all.

SHAZ goes up to GENE and kisses him on the cheek. He's not displeased.

GENE:
You keep him out of trouble, Detective Constable Granger.

SHAZ:
Yes, Guv.

CHRIS smiles, pleased, then sets off towards the pub.

CHRIS:
Not coming in, Guv?

GENE:
No, not right now.

CHRIS:
You don't want a pint? Or a red wine? Or a short? Pint and a chaser? Crisps? Scratchings? Or both? I mean, Nelson does Ringos.

Luckily SHAZ shuts him up with a kiss before we can get onto dry roasted peanuts.

SHAZ:
I love you, Chris. Not Lewis Collins, you. I'll always love you forever and a day, you got that?

CHRIS:
Fab.

They embrace. GENE turns to RAY, who's still looking at The Railway Arms in amazement. RAY glances at GENE. CHRIS and SHAZ turn back to encourage him.

CHRIS:
Coming, Ray?

RAY nods and turns to GENE.

RAY:
You are, and always will be... the Guv.

GENE:
Danger of getting poofy, Raymondo.

RAY smiles.

RAY:
Sorry, Guv.

GENE holds out his hand and they shake. RAY goes to join CHRIS and SHAZ.

CHRIS:
See you in a minute, boss. Er, ma'am.

CHRIS waves, and ALEX waves back sadly.

NELSON:
Come on. Come on through. I just put on a fresh barrel.

NELSON opens the door for them and the sounds of revelry float out.

MUSIC: 'Life On Mars' by David Bowie

# It's a god-awful small affair #

CHRIS:
Spoof you for the second round.

RAY:
I'm not spoofing.

# To the girl with the mousy hair #

ALEX watches them, tears in her eyes, possibly at the fact they're still managing to argue. GENE looks at her.

SHAZ:
Spoofing? What is that, like spooning?

RAY:
Look, I love this pub, and I'm not taking a plonk in if she's going to spoil it.

SHAZ:
Don't panic, Ray. I ain't going to be no gooseberry. Blimey, I'm amazed you two never tied the knot.

CHRIS:
It's legal in Holland.

RAY:
Can we talk about something else like... women, or snooker?

SHAZ:
Come on.

SHAZ takes RAY's arm.

RAY:
Football? Crisps? Any kind of pub talk.

CHRIS, SHAZ and RAY file into the pub, NELSON holding the door open for them.

# To the seat with the clearest view #

RAY:
Now you're talking.

NELSON turns to look at ALEX, who gasps. He indicates she should come too, then goes back into The Railways Arms.

NELSON:
All right, what you having? Heh heh heh heh.

The sounds of chatter and music fade away as he closes the door, and ALEX turns to GENE.

ALEX:
So, that's it. I help bring them here with you. It's over. I've done it. I can go home, Gene.

GENE looks at her. A sound, not unlike the single note of a flat-lining heartrate monitor, has been increasing in volume.

ALEX:
Gene.

Gunshot, and flashback to ALEX lying in the modern hospital bed. ALEX opts for one last attempt at denial.

ALEX:
I'm lying in a... in a hospital bed.

GENE:
Come here, Bolls.

ALEX:
No! No, it isn't true!

JIM KEATS:
Of course it's not true.

Yay, he's back again. Shoot me...

JIM KEATS:
He wants you to give up on your life. I told you he'd trick you.

ALEX looks at GENE who doesn't meet her eye.

JIM KEATS:
Here, Alex.

JIM KEATS pulls a striped uniform scarf from round his neck and offers it to her.

ALEX:
It's Molly's.

ALEX takes it, holding it to her face.

ALEX:
It's hers.

JIM KEATS:
She's waiting for you. I can take you to her, Alex.

Gene gives a slight shake of his head. JIM KEATS looks a bit desperate, and ALEX suddenly remembers where she's been keeping her brain this series.

ALEX:
What time is it?

JIM KEATS:
What?

ALEX:
What time is it? Show me. Show me your watch.

ALEX grabs for his wrist.

JIM KEATS:
No. No, it's... it's broken.

ALEX:
It's 9:06.

Flashback to JIM KEATS in Luigi's looking at his watch. Flashback to ALEX peering through the cell door at herself in the hospital bed.

ALEX voiceover:
It's always 9:06.

Flashback to the clock in the hospital room flipping over from 9:05 to 9:06.

ALEX:
That was the time in my hospital room.

ALEX backs away from JIM KEATS, lost and broken as realisation dawns.

JIM KEATS:
Alex...

ALEX:
That was the time...

JIM KEATS:
No, look.

ALEX:
...was the time...

JIM KEATS:
Look, Alex, I... I...

GENE steps forward between them, facing JIM KEATS.

GENE:
Hello, Jimbo.

GENE finally gives JIM KEATS the jaw-cracking punch in the face he's deserved all series. Woot! JIM KEATS reels away.

JIM KEATS:
Aargh! Ah.

GENE:
Goodbye, Jimbo.

JIM KEATS:
Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!

JIM KEATS flails about on the tarmac, eating the scenery for a bit and making nasty gargling noises. Take it like a man, Jim, rather than an invertebrate. GENE and ALEX wisely take no notice of this ham on the ground. ALEX looks helplessly at GENE, holding up Molly's scarf.

ALEX:
My baby.

GENE:
I know, I know, I know. Way of the world, Alex. She'll be fine.

ALEX nods, reassured.

ALEX:
All right. Listen. Lis... listen to me. I can stay here... with you. You can't do this... you can't do this on your own. You need me, Gene. I can't... I can't go in there!

ALEX is a sobbing wreck. GENE smiles. He has a funny sense of humour.

GENE:
Yes, you can. They've got a saloon bar. Can't have you putting me off my stride, can I? I mean, I'll end up wondering if I'm not completely right all the time. Can't have that. Weren't bad though, were we?

ALEX pulls herself together and takes the 6620 pin out of her pocket and offers it to him.

ALEX:
Here.

GENE takes it, looks at it, looks at her.

GENE:
See you around, Bolly kecks.

ALEX kisses him. At last. All a bit late, but there we are, the course of love-after-death never did run smooth...

ALEX:
Goodbye, Guv.

GENE:
Go.

ALEX walks to the door of the pub, takes a deep breath and opens it.

# Is there life on Mars? #

She goes in, shutting the door behind her, GENE watching. He looks down at the 6620 pin in his hand. JIM KEATS, meanwhile, needs to break the moment.

JIM KEATS:
Aargh, aargh!

He brings out his maniacal laugh for an airing again. An expression of annoyed resignation crosses GENE's face, best summed up as 'Here we go again'. He turns to face JIM KEATS, who's apparently lost the use of his left arm and is hamming up the grotesque big-time stylee.

JIM KEATS:
All alone. No-one to care. Ahhh... diddums.

JIM KEATS has another laugh and then some sort of spitting, snarling, barking thingy going on. It's all a bit 12thC frankly, but probably what still passes for entertainment in Somerset. GENE looks at him, unmoved for a while, then grabs him by the lapels, stares at him, then pushes him away. JIM KEATS stumbles away but remembers the old adage about leaving them with a smile and a song. Unfortunately.

JIM KEATS:
# We'll meet again # Don't know where # Don't know when #

JIM KEATS starts on his way, laughing softly. But again, he can't resist a parting shot.

JIM KEATS:
All alone, Gene. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.

JIM KEATS walks away, laughing. GENE is left standing outside the pub all on his tod.

# Is there life on Mars? #



CID is reasonably busy as GENE comes in. He pauses by ALEX's desk for a moment and looks at the '6-6-20' carved into the surface. The sounds of CID die away and he looks around, then goes to his office. On the desk is a glass, a bottle of scotch and a brochure for the Mercedes-Benz 190D. A Merc? And a diesel? Dear God, he really does have a hole in his head, doesn't he? The Quattro will be spinning on its scrap heap. GENE hangs up his coat and flips the door shut. Young!Gene appears in the reflection as it closes. GENE looks round, surprised, but there's no-one to be seen. He pours himself a drink, sits down with the car brochure and puts his feet up. Normal life-after-death is being resumed, it seems.

The main door to CID bursts open and a NEW ARRIVAL makes his entrance. GENE doesn't even glance up.

NEW ARRIVAL:
What the hell is this? Where's my office?!

GENE stops drinking and lowers his glass.

NEW ARRIVAL:
One of your jokers give me back my iPhone. Now!

The existing members of CID are standing, staring at the NEW ARRIVAL. He's getting increasingly angry.

NEW ARRIVAL:
Well, who the hell do you think you are? This is my office. Right here. Where's my office?

In his office, GENE gets to his feet and makes his way to the door.

NEW ARRIVAL:
One of you morons say something! WHERE'S MY OFFICE?!

GENE opens his door and leans out.

GENE:
A word in your shell-like, pal.

MUSIC: 'Heroes' by David Bowie

Fade to black.

# Then we could be heroes #

Credits for the main cast, with actual moving pictures.

# Just for one day
# We can be heroes #


End credits.


# We can be heroes
# We can be heroes
# Just for one day #



And to finish, a word from our sponsor, PC GEORGE DIXON of 'Dixon of Dock Green'. You know, he was shot dead in the film 'The Blue Lamp' and went on to have a successful police career on television. You may already have known that. It's one of those oh-so-clever parallel kinda things. But over to George, who will be speaking today in black and white.

PC GEORGE DIXON:
So, it was all sorted out in the end, and no bones broken, luckily. Well, I dunno about you, but I'm gonna knock off. I'm beginning to fancy my supper. Heh. I'll see you next week. Ta-ta.

PC GEORGE DIXON walks back into the police station, whistling 'Maybe It's Because I'm a Londoner'. 'The End' across the screen and end focus on the police lamp, all classic hallmarks of the show.

# We can be heroes
# Just for one day #